American Rapture

Good Morning Folks. Have you ever ended up with a book that you have no clue why you have it? That was me with American Rapture, and at some point, I acquired the audiobook version of this… probably on a sale… and probably because I saw someone recommending it somewhere. Last week, I needed something to take my mind off the medical system hellscape that I find myself trapped in, and I thought the cover looked cool and decided to yolo it. This was both a great and an awful decision at the same time. I was not fully prepared for the book that I was about to read. I knew that it was horror and vaguely zombie apocalypse adjacent. These are two things that I do enjoy quite a bit, but what I was not fully prepared for was the unique spin on both. The novel centers around Sophie Allen, who is an extremely sheltered, ultra-conservative Catholic teen, living somewhere in the vicinity of Spring Green Wisconson. I had family in the Madison area, and have visited a lot of the locations that were mentioned in the book, including The House on the Rock that American Gods also seems to be fond of. Having been there, it is a fucking trippy place, so I get why authors would set scenes in novels there, because it feels like it is a place that cannot really exist. The ultra-conservative Catholic thing is a bit odd for me personally, because here in Oklahoma, the Catholic church that I grew up in was deeply liberal with a borderline Heritical priest that even though I am no longer religious… I owe a lot of my mental development to. Sophie is a twin and lives in what feels like a fairly cloistered community, attending a parochial school, and is eternally scarred by this early moment where her twin brother Noah was ripped away from her. Turns out he had a bad case of the “gay,” was fairly violently shuffled off to some “Sacred Heart” hospital to “cure” him. You could copy and paste this storyline onto Southern Baptist, and it would effectively work the same, so I was able to apply my own personal experience to the tale. Where things get really fucked is when it comes to the virus. It is sweeping the country, but poor Sophie knows nothing about it… because sheltered by awful parents and has completely controlled access to the internet both at home and through the Nuns at school. So when she starts noticing people getting hot, bothered, and randy… with glassy-eyed stares, she is completely clueless as to what is going on. American Rapture features a plague that is effectively 28 Days Later, but instead of turning the infected into rage machines that want to attack everything in order to spread their “bad blood”, this one makes folks want to aggressively copulate with anything and everything… including their own reflection comically. At this point, you are thinking “Zombies that fuck? Bel you have accidentally ventured into sexytime literature”, and you would be wrong. There is nothing “sexytime” about anything that is depicted in this tale. Sure, there are descriptions of engorged members… but they have more in common with Lovecraftian horror than they do with a dimestore novel. All through the lens of someone who does not even understand their own body, let alone the functionality of sexual intercourse. If this were all that was going on in this novel, it would be pretty forgettable. Walking Dead, But Fucking is a curious premise… but the end result is way more insidious than it sounds. In a Zombie film, someone has to die in order to turn, but with this virus, they can go “randy” at any moment… making pretty much every place where the remaining law enforcement is trying to corral people into a bad idea. This would be its own challenge were it not for a group called “St. Michael’s Crusaders”, who come from the same religious cloister that Sophie grew up in, and have decided that this is all “God’s Plan”. They have made it their mission to burn the “sinners” by effectively setting on fire every shelter that the ragtag group of survivors seems to find along their path. So we end up contending with random sex machines and zealots in red robes trying to set things on fire… or just use good old-fashioned firearms… in equal parts. I spent a lot of time with this novel, wondering why exactly I was continuing on… only to realize at some point… that it was way more compelling than I expected. American Rapture at its core… is a book about coming to terms with religion and the awful things that it makes people do. It is a book about what has collectively been referred to as “deconstruction”, as you come to terms with harmful thoughts and ideas that you had been implanted upon you at a very young age, when you had zero control over them. This is largely something that you see in ex-Evangelical circles, but at least in the terms of this book, it focuses on Catholicism. Like I said before, my experiences growing up Catholic were wildly different than poor Sophie’s, but I do get some of the same trappings of my experience. The programming largely missed me, and that was in large part because of said “Heretical Priest” telling me that it was more or less okay to not believe or be uncertain of my belief. I’ve spent my adult life vacillating around various states of unbelief, and I still deal with fairly religious parents who are unwilling to accept this. My wife was Southern Baptist and still deeply faithful, and we came to a level of acceptance that we were each on our own path. I still spend a significant chunk of my Sunday editing the sermon for her church to post it every day, because I understand the role that faith had in her life, and that it is important for some people. My problem with Religion is the hateful things that people do in the name of it. This book covers some of that, especially when it comes to LGBTQIA+ folks. Realizing I was bisexual has been its own journey, and has frankly taken me further from faithfulness. While the trappings of this tale were way more extreme than anything I ever personally experienced, Sophie’s journey through realizing that she was taught some pretty fucked up things still resonated. Collectively, Horror is one of the best genres for exploring uncomfortable topics, and traditionally, you regularly find it coming to terms with subjects on the fringe of society. So it makes sense why a book about “zombies that fuck” would really be this story about queer folks just trying to survive in the world, and ridding themselves of the harmful notions they were raised under. I am thankful to the online community, because they have been the family that I found a kinship with… when my own was not exactly ready to deal with the thoughts and struggles I was tackling. Maybe there is a world where this book lands in the hands of someone who needs it and can help them start to dissect their own feelings. Do I suggest you read this book? I honestly do not know. It took a very specific set of cultural experiences for it to really resonate with me, and it might not with you. It was compelling enough that I wanted to devote time on my blog to talk about it. Will this entire experience be deeply blasphemous in the eyes of someone from a more sheltered religious upbringing? Probably… no scratch that, absolutely. It does, however, make me want to track down some other things from this author and give them a spin. I know they run in the same circles as Chuck Tingle, so it makes a heck of a lot of sense the sort of book this ended up being. Camp Damascus is still one of the hardest novels that I have finished, and it took a lot out of me. This was a much more chill experience… minus the gratuitous zombie copulation. The post American Rapture appeared first on Tales of the Aggronaut.

Mixtape Mondays: Mired Moody Mindset

Good Morning Folks. I hope you had a most excellent weekend. Things are a bit weird here because things have taken a turn towards the cold. While I did not get any, my folks who are a bit further north got some snow yesterday. I am still in a holding pattern, but rapidly running out of time. This coming Thursday, I am scheduled to get a chemo port installed, and as a result, I am losing hope that there is a “surgery only” path forward. As a result, I have been in a fairly dour and sedate mood, and this week’s mixtape fits that pattern. I continue to confront the concept of my own death because the thought of being severely immunocompromised, on top of my normally malfunctioning immune system, is some scary shit. I know I can make it through this, and I have started making plans for some things I am going to do when I am on the far side of this. For example, I have a group of friends in the Chicago area, and I want to make a pilgrimage up to see them. I also really want to make the trek down to see “Erasure” in the Houston area, but that was already on the table since that trip got cancelled due to all of this bullshit happening. I figure so long as I can keep some good plans in my mind, I can focus on those while I deal with whatever awful crap I have to deal with in the coming weeks.

28 – Mired Moody Mindset

This mix largely exists because of an anchor song, like these mixtapes often start. I was sitting in the car listening to the radio before going to a doctor’s appointment, and “Sultans of Swing” came on, and I stalled long enough to listen to the entire song. I’ve always liked Dire Straits and specifically that song, and it made me realize that I had not really dived into a lot of the more moody and almost wistful in a melancholic manner style of music that I really seem to love. For example, up until this point, there was not a single list that I felt I could really place Big Dipper by Cracker on, or the song that always brings me to tears… Jimi & Stan by Strand of Oaks. These mixes show you a piece of my soul each time, and this one… drills straight through the core of me. It is through these mixes that I have also found a lot of community with people who have listened to them and struck up conversations about songs that they have not thought about in decades. If I am going to get through this, I am going to need a lot more of that community, which is a challenge given how fucking awkward and introverted I am. Thanks for being here throughout the years, and if you regularly listen to these mixtapes… thanks for sharing in my nonsense. I guess I will stop stalling and get to the track list.

Track List

  • 01 – (Don’t Fear) The Reaper – Blue Öyster Cult
  • 02 – The Chain – Fleetwood Mac
  • 03 – Heroes – David Bowie
  • 04 – Sultans of Swing – Dire Straits
  • 05 – Message in A Bottle – The Police
  • 06 – Who’ll Stop The Rain – Creedence Clearwater Revival
  • 07 – Gimme Shelter – The Rolling Stones
  • 08 – Little Wing – Jimi Hendrix
  • 09 – Big Dipper – Cracker
  • 10 – The Night We Met – Lord Huron
  • 11 – Red Hill Mining Town – U2
  • 12 – Here Comes Your Man – The Pixies
  • 13 – Cherry Bomb – John Mellencamp
  • 14 – Jimi & Stan – Strand of Oaks
  • 15 – The Waiting – Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers

Listen To It Yourself

It feels like I am working through the stages of grief in mixtape form recently. I just might not be going through them in exactly the same order as normal. I might be in a bit of the bargaining phase because I have been doing a bunch of things in the hopes of improving my success through chemo. I know the Tirzepatide that I am on causes muscle loss, so I have started doing a bit of light weight training, and on some level, I am hoping the universe notices that I am trying and gives me a fucking break. It is weird how fast this mix came together, honestly, because some of the songs are ones that I have not really thought about in years, but suddenly popped into my mind as I was assembling this. For example, Red Hill Mining Town is phenomenal, but I had not thought about that since the album it came out on was on regular rotation for me. Similarly, Cherry Bomb by John Mellencamp is a phenomenal track, but it had not popped into my head in decades. I have decided that I will be disowning “The Librarian” though because he referred to this as “Yacht Rock”, and I present that there is not a single Christopher Cross or Michael McDonald track on this list. This is way more thoughtful than that particularly vapid movement of music. I have a few more posts that I know I want to make this week, including talking about a book that is sort of awful but at the same time thought-provoking enough that I want to talk about it. As always you can see the full list of my mixes over on the archives. Mixtape Mondays Archive The post Mixtape Mondays: Mired Moody Mindset appeared first on Tales of the Aggronaut.

Bel Folks Stuff – Episode 10 – Featuring the Librarian

Hey Folks! This weekend was a bit wild. I had a tornado pass within a mile of the house, and then, in my very sleep-deprived state, I decided that it was a good idea to record two podcasts on Saturday. One of them was obviously AggroChat, but the other was sitting down with a long-time friend of mine from High School that I have referred to by the enigmatic title of “The Librarian”. Better known in some circles by Kaleon or others as Jason, this is someone who has known me for an extremely long time, and as a result, this show gets a bit more personal than normal. Every episode ends up revealing something about me, just by the nature of the conversation. This show, however, goes into some extremely “real” places with my past and the past of “The Librarian”.
This is the first episode in what I hope is a series of brand new recordings. Originally, I was going to sit down and record with all of the AggroChat crew, and I still want to finish that out. The challenge is always timing. This took up roughly two hours of real-world time that got edited down into an hour and twenty minutes once I compressed the silence. It is sometimes a challenge to figure out a time when you can spend that much time talking to a person and recording it. Hopefully, you enjoy this episode and will be around whenever the next one drops as well. The post Bel Folks Stuff – Episode 10 – Featuring the Librarian appeared first on Tales of the Aggronaut.

Mixtape Mondays: Fear Loathing Flesh

Good Morning Folks! I hope you all had a wonderful weekend. This Mixtape is a week late because, quite honestly, last Monday I forgot entirely that I had one sitting waiting in the pocket to be released. However, it seems like destiny might have shone upon me because this morning is going to be a bit of a mess as I have a very early medical appointment, and don’t really have time to bang out a proper blog post. I am hoping to return to weekly releases after this one again, because I enjoy making these and honestly… I end up listening to them as much as any of you might. Now, to preface my explainer as to why I make these… I have always loved the craft of placing songs in a specific order to create a unique mix that matches a specific mood or theme. Oftentimes, these end up with an anchor song and then attempt to make something that flows together with that single song. Others, like today, are more just that I have been in a specific mood and chose songs to go with that mood. I’ve explained this theory a bunch of times by now, but I don’t necessarily take for granted that someone has read every blog post, or honestly ANY of the previous Mixtape Mondays posts.

27 – Fear Loathing Flesh

If you have consumed any of my posts to date, you might have gleaned that I am dealing with a colorectal cancer diagnosis. It’s really hard waking up every morning and seemingly hearing about another person who has died from this disease, and it feels really prevalent. I am sure this is just selection bias… for example, I had never noticed a Nissan Quest on the road until my sister-in-law got one, and then I saw them constantly. Brains are great at pattern recognition when you are looking for something specific. I’ve been ina pretty dark place over the last few weeks because I am effectively in a holding pattern with no forward momentum yet… and what feels like a ticking time bomb inside of me. As a result, I have been listening to much darker music lately, and this is a mix that more or less fits that mood. This mix honestly caused me to find a song that was completely new to me, because none of the US streaming options seemed to have Melt by Front 242, so instead I substituted a really interesting cover by Helalyn Flowers. Probably my favorite thing is when one of these Mixtapes turns someone on to a new song or musician that they had never heard of before, and I feel like maybe this one has more chance of that given that it is crossing a few different musical worlds.

Track List

  • 01 – Hey Man, Nice Shot – Filter
  • 02 – Super Charger Heaven – White Zombie
  • 03 – Man Should Surrender – Pailhead
  • 04 – Stitches – Orgy
  • 05 – Melt – Helalyn Flowers
  • 06 – Killing Grounds – Front Line Assembly
  • 07 – Kennedy – Kill Hannah
  • 08 – Reptile – Nine Inch Nails
  • 09 – Thieves – Ministry
  • 10 – A Drug Against War – KMFDM
  • 11 – Goodbye – Gravity Kills
  • 12 – Shame – Stabbing Westward
  • 13 – No More Love – God Lives Underwater
  • 14 – Lovesong – Snake River Conspiracy
  • 15 – Cry Little Sister – Ashbury Heights

Listen To It Yourself

The funny thing about this Mix particularly, is that it has what I would consider to be a “phantom anchor”, because this did start off with Down In It by Nine Inch Nails being a sort of thread that I was pulling upon. However, the more songs that fell in place, the less and less that song really felt like it fit anymore. So I removed it and replaced it with Reptile that seemed to fit much more neatly into the emerging theme. I am pretty sure this is not the first time I have attempted to make a mix with that song, but I never actually ended up creating anything that flowed in the way that I wanted it to. Tomorrow is probably going to be an emotional post, because it has been a while since I have done one of my big dumb dumps of feels posts. So be forewarned. I did not sleep super well last night because Gracie has decided that she needs to scream instead of going to sleep, and I know that I did not get proper sleep until after midnight. After wrapping this up, I am going to start getting ready to leave the house and go off to my early morning appointment. I hope you all have a wonderful week, and one way or another, this is going to be a bit of a week of reckoning for me and my “cancer boy” journey. As always, however, you can find the full list of Mixtapes over on my Archives, and I love it when people listen to them and comment about them. Hopefully, I will have yet another new mix next Monday. Mixtape Mondays Archive The post Mixtape Mondays: Fear Loathing Flesh appeared first on Tales of the Aggronaut.