Good Morning, Folks. I have to admit that I have never really considered the ramifications of Dyslexia on the readability of our blogs. I honestly did not think that folks with that particular impairment would be interested in reading blogs. However, I realized that was a deeply ableist statement when my girlfriend, who has dyslexia, attempted to read my blog, simply out of a desire to engage more with the things that are important to me. So as a result, you will notice some significant changes to the way that this blog looks today, from a font basis. I had known that Google had worked with various groups to create a dyslexia friendy font, to make things more readable. It turns out that at least in the case of my girlfriend, this works, and the text no longer “swims” around the screen for her.
Essentially, I have replaced my normal body font with one called Lexend provided by Google Fonts. There are multiple flavors of the font, and they all seem to work equally well. I considered swapping my headings over to Lexend Dexa, but it did not feel right. Bangers is the font that I use to match the artwork of the blog, and headings tend to be short enough not to really trigger the core problems of dyslexia. I am lucky in that I am using a paid theme called Generate Press, and they have the ability to swap to dynamic typography mode. So essentially, once I figured out how to turn this on, I was able to swap fonts in seconds. All in all, I am pretty damned happy with the swap because it solves the problem and makes my blog more readable by those with dyslexia.
Mostly, I wanted to write up a quick post about this in case others are interested in making the swap. Chemo is kicking my ass, and I barely slept last night, so I am going to cut this morning’s post short and focus only on the font swap. I think it is probably worth the effort just to improve the readability of our blogs.
Good Afternoon, Folks. Today was a chemo day, and I am racked out on the sofa attempting to write a blog post. I’ve been playing an excessive amount of Path of Exile, because the game has sort of become my default action. I have been playing the SRS Broken Elegy Guardian that I crafted and doing a ton of shallow delve with it for levels. I had been pushing to level 96, and I accomplished that last night, all for the purpose of being able to take the six life node 10% health bonus. After playing with it a bit, I decided that I was probably better off with the Life Recoup nodes. With a bit of life recoup I feel exceptionally tanky and am ready to start mapping again.
Part of why I am playing my Minions character from the Mirage league is that, at least currently, I intend on going for a Minions Witch build for the Path of Exile II League Start. I don’t really have a strong template for the character, so I am going to mostly yolo my way through choosing the Minion nodes and attempting to path somewhat optimally through them all. I have past characters that I could potentially rely on for pathing, but I am uncertain if the tree is the same as it was when I last played fire-based SRS. That said, I am really looking forward to the Path of Exile II League start because so much of the game has changed. I am going to play Minions in part because I am pretty sure I can get all the way through the endgame on it, having done it multiple times in the past.
In other news… I’ve met someone. We’ve spent the last few weeks talking nonstop, and our meeting was extremely random. I periodically hang out on Reddit, and the algorithm seems to like to feed me people from the selfies forum. This is not something I follow but it seems like the algorithm thinks that everyone wants to see these. It happened to feed me a selfie of Vera, her discord handle not her real name. Not going to be sharing her real name here. I messaged and said that I thought she was cute, and this started up a conversation that has never really stopped. We transitioned off Reddit Chat to Telegram, and now also on Discord. She was posting in the forum because she wanted a quick boost to her self esteem because she was feeling a bit down on herself, an I happened to be a random stranger who gave her that.
The thing is… every time we talk about any subject we are shockingly compatible on pretty much everything from the anime that we like, to the movies we like to watch, to the fact that we both love peanut butter. There are so many points of commonality than that, but it is truly shocking just how many there are. She is very much a Geek, but while I tend to be a technophile, she is way more of a mechanical engineering geek. She built her own damned full home battery system and runs her house mostly on solar for example. She is my little Gadget from Rescue Rangers, and I kind of love this. Where we differ, we seem to compliment each other’s skills rather than going off in a wildly different direction. She kind of loves all of the nonsense that I have been up to with 3d Printing, and I hope some day we can use our joint skills to build some really cool nonsense together.
There however lies the logistical nightmare. Vera is soon to be 34, is the mother of two boys 18 and 10, and happens to live on the other fucking side of the planet in the Philippines. We both know that nothing is going to happen before I am clear from cancer and recovered from it. However I know that personally I am going to be a wildly different human being on the other side of this. If we manage to make it this next year, and are as close as we seem to be right now… then we will start to whittle through those logistical nightmares. I am pretty well glued where I am for the next seven years, because I am too close to a full retirement to risk giving that up. She has her own stuff going on in the PH, but would be interested in maybe moving here pending we can navigate that particular nightmare of visas. It is a lot…. but neither of us are in any rush we got our own issues going on.
The real thing however is that I am extremely happy right now. Happier than I have been in a long time. We’ve exchanged countless voice and video calls, so we know for certain that we are both real human beings. I am sitting here miserable post chemo, but this spark keeps me warm inside. She wants to figure out how to build a portal, so she can teleport to my side and take care of me when I am like this. Nothing is ever going to change the fact that I have this thirty year hole in my life thank to the death of my spouse, and that there is part of my heart that will only ever belong to her. That said… I want to live again. I want to be excited for life again. This is making me happy so for the moment that is all that really matters to me. None of the logistics are unsolvable problems, so if we get to that point I think we can work through them together.
Good Morning, Folks. I don’t really have a purpose for today’s blog post other than not to have gone an entire damned week without making any other than Monday. This round of chemo has been a bear, and has mostly knocked me on my ass. The worst part right now is the peeling of my fingers, and no lotion seems to be making much of a difference. So even when I am not getting the “hand in lava” reaction to cold from the oxaliplatin, touching anything still hurts a lot. Like my overall pain index is relatively low, but it is entirely situational. Pick up my phone? The ridges on my case feel like they are cutting into my skin. My fingers are basically newborn skin, and just like when skin grows back from an accident… everything hurts when I touch anything. Weirdly enough, typing does not seem to cause much pain. I guess keys are smooth, and I am relatively light-handed with the keyboard. Since I don’t have a proper picture to post with this, you are getting the deckboxes that I created for Sorcery. I’ve still not gotten to play, but I want to hopefully next week when the world does not feel quite so shit.
Honestly, the winner for this week goes to some friends with whom I have had some good conversations. This has made the frustrations and pain of the cycle far more bearable. Y’all know who you are, and I am thankful. Part of this was watching Eurovision with my sibling Ace, and the random commentary that went along with it. Last night was round two of the semi-finals, and I just have to say that Armenia was robbed. For me, what I want out of Eurovision is the weirdest shit you can find and put on a stage. A guy with a jacket covered in Post-it notes? Check! The song was also a bit of a banger, so it absolutely should have gone on to the next round. Whereas they kept choosing some boring-ass songs like whatever the hell was going on with Czechia. As an outsider… Eurovision is about over-the-top pomp and circumstance, and a lot of these songs failed to get that memo. That said, I think Armenia was the only one of my favorites from the second round that did not make it. Romania was by far my favorite from yesterday’s round.
Something that I have played almost every single day for four or five years now… but never talk about… is AFK Journey. I always end up playing some sort of gacha game on my phone, because it fills the time between when I lie down and when I am actually sleepy enough to sleep. Usually, I end up hitting some sort of wall where I cannot progress without giving them lots of money. When I hit this point, I swap games, but for whatever reason, AFK Journey seems to have a reasonable enough gacha system that I can keep playing it happily without spending a dime. Talking with Ace who had tried the game before me, it apparently was not the case at launch, but over time has loosened up. Sure if I were playing this game super seriously, I would probably hit all of the walls, but playing for 30 mins or so every night seems to be fine. Right now there is a Frieren event, and I love Frieren so much that, like when they were running a Dungeon Meshi event, I am trying to pull for the characters that I care about. I only make one pull per day, and only use the free currency, and the other night I lucked out and got a pull with two Frieren’s. In theory, I might actually be able to get her up high enough to do useful things. I need to figure out how to get more copies of Himmel.
Path of Exile II Teaser season has been really interesting, because they are effectively breaking the tried and true mold that they have used for years with Path of Exile. Especially after a big reveal, they usually just chop up the elements from that reveal and release them as little teasers. They have done some of this, but more recently, they have been showing off some new uniques. These are connected in a way that would allow you to build a purely support character, which I always find interesting. I don’t play often enough with other players to make this viable, but I could see someone trying to dual-box a character like this to provide tons of utility. I honestly have no clue how Grinding Gear Games feels about dual boxing. I’ve not done it in years, and mostly did for the games where playing solo was not close to viable… like EverQuest and Dark Age of Camelot, and did a small amount with World of Warcraft and EverQuest II. I’ve always loved controlling an entire party in games, and the Mercenaries that we had in Path of Exile really scratched that itch for me. I am hoping at some point, they bring those back because there were a lot of really interesting gearing options.
I missed out on the original round of Steam Controller orders, but I am on the wait list. I was on and trying to buy it at the time it was launched, but kept running into credit card authorization issues and by the time that was resolved… they were sold out. We are starting to see the first review videos floating around the interwebs, and it has done nothing to dampen my desire to have this controller. Mostly, I have my old gaming desktop hooked up to the television downstairs, and I love the fact that, apparently, you can just use the Steam controller as a mouse and keyboard. Like, I am never going to do a lot of data entry through this means, but being able to use it to launch things is going to be a massive boon. Essentially, I want to set up my gaming desktop downstairs for controller gaming, and then I can remote into my new gaming desktop for anything that I want mouse and keyboard for. I am really hoping that the restock is not terribly long for the Steam Controller. I think in my circles, I was probably the most excited about having the prospect of effectively getting a Steam Deck without the screen in controller form.
Anyways. I think I am done typing for a bit. I still feel like ass warmed over, but I love you all and appreciate every single one of you who checks on me. Y’all are legitimately the best. This cycle will pass, and starting Sunday, I will begin to feel more human again.
The post Random Bag of Nonsense appeared first on Tales of the Aggronaut.
Good Morning, Folks. You are getting a Diablo IV Screenshot because that happens to be the game I am playing the most at the moment, but this is very much not a gaming blog post. I figured it had been a bit since I had done a “State of the Bel” post, as I am referring to them in my mind, where I catch you up on how things are going with the nightmare that is cancer. Prior to yesterday, I would have told you things were going swimmingly and infinitely better than the first two rounds. This morning, that answer is a bit more complicated, but we will get into that. Essentially, rounds one and two of chemo were met with external factors that complicated things. During round one, I fought with my blood pressure and was trying to figure out the correct amount of meds to take to keep it down to healthy levels, but not drop it to the very fainty 70/40 that I was running for a few days. Solving this problem… of course, uncovered other issues.
I was woefully anemic, as I simply had no red blood cells to transport oxygen through my body. As a result, every time I would stand up, I would feel incredibly woozy for a bit, and getting up in the mornings was pure hell. The answer to this problem was to start giving me Iron Infusions. These legitimately look like giant packets of soy sauce, but are pinkish in hue when they flow into your body. The effect is that it looks like you are bleeding in the wrong direction. After round two, there was a rush infusion to try and get my levels up, and since it moved the needle, when I did round three, they just included the soy sauce along with my normal treatments. This seems to curb a lot of the negative effects that I was feeling, and quite honestly, on the day I get a fresh iron infusion, I feel sort of like I can take on the world. That shit is magical, and it feels like I am hyper-oxygenated for a time, which is a weird feeling for a lifelong severe asthmatic who is likely ALWAYS running low on oxygen.
For those who are curious, this is what infusion days look like:
I arrive, and they open my port, aka jam a giant needle in my chest. Prior to leaving the house, I have applied lidocaine cream to the area so that I really cannot feel a thing.
First up is a long-acting anti-nausea medication and a steroid to help get me through some of the low-immune-system moments. This takes around 15 minutes to deliver.
Next up, I get my Iron Infusion, aka the bag of soy sauce. This takes 30 minutes, and occupies what previously was a dead point because there has to be 30 minutes between the anti-nausea meds and the first of the chemotherapy.
There is a bit of a break, but next up is Folinic Acid in one bag, and Oxaliplatin in the next, and these are both hung and set to drip together into me. This process is the big haul that takes two whole hours. At some point during this, I have to get up and tote my bags to the bathroom because they have pushed so many fluids into my body at this point, I am about to burst.
After a little break, they give me a bolus of Fluorouracil, aka 5-FU, which takes about 15 minutes, similar to the steroid round.
Last, they hook me to the portable pump filled with Fluorouracil, and make sure the valve is against my skin because, for some reason, the heat of my body is what makes the pump work. This will be tethered to me for 46 hours, and I refer to it as the evil lemon, because it looks like a weird lemon. I feel very much like I have a Harkonnen Heart Plug, because I have to do everything while being aware that I have a pump attached to me that goes directly into my heart. Act normal.
So, back to the story… one of the new side effects that sprang up during round two is that I was having a lot of visual issues. Namely, for the first five or so days after the chemo treatment, I was having visual flashes off the right side of my body. It felt like someone was flashing a strobe just outside of my visual range. Additionally, I had some very black line floaters appearing in the same eye. They looked like impossibly black threads that would snake around my vision. This rightly freaked me the fuck out, because my family has a history of retinal detachment, and this was already a point of anxiety for me. After some googling of Folfox(the colloquial name of the treatment) symptoms, it seems that in some very rare occasions, it could lead to damage to the retina or optic nerve. During one of my lab and doctor visit days, I explained these symptoms, and they also seemed equally concerned, but they were happy that they went away on their own. They suggested following up with an eye doctor.
That is what I did yesterday. Last year, I switched to a new eye doctor who operates out of the small town where I grew up, which is only about a thirty-minute drive from where I live. Yesterday’s visit cemented that I made the right decision because she remembered the family history of retinal detachments and took things extremely seriously. Even taking a moment while my eyes were dilating to research the specific ocular things that Folfox can do. Essentially, I got a clean bill of health. Everything inside my eye, apparently, looks extremely healthy, and for good measure, she checked my prescription, and it had not really deviated from last September. Specifically, she said that the most common problem with Folfox is that it attacks the optic nerve, and explained what the symptoms of that would look like to me. It would be either a partial or complete blurring of vision in the eye where it is happening, and a fading of colors, either in saturation level or shifting what colors look like.
Now, one of the confounding variables is that this all happened during the second round, but did not happen during this third and most recent round. The one change between rounds is that I have now had two bags of iron infusion, and have raised my red blood cell count considerably. Talking with the eye doctor, essentially everything I was experiencing could be attributed to extreme anemia. Everything I was experiencing could be caused by a lack of blood flow and oxygen to the eyes. Essentially, the eyes are one of the furthest points in the circulatory system, and if there is anything wrong at a blood level, it can cause visual artifacts and flashes. So in theory, the continued Iron Infusions have helped to stave off some of the visual hallucinations that I was dealing with. If nothing else, it felt good to get a bit of peace of mind that everything was mechanically fine with my eyes. One of my greatest fears has always been losing my eyesight. I figure so long as I can see and so long as my brain is functioning appropriately, I could deal with pretty much anything else.
Collectively, this third round of chemo has gone so much more smoothly than the first two. I feel like I have bounced back more quickly from the infusions. I am still dealing with the weird cold reaction symptoms, but my energy levels as a whole have been much higher. The only negative is… that it feels like I have this very finite pool of energy. Because of how busy yesterday was, and that I tried to cram too much into too short a period of time, I overdrew the bank of energy. As a result, I am paying massively today for this. After mostly doing great for the last several days, I was back to it, taking an hour to get ready this morning, because I kept having to pause between actions. I am sure I will recover from this as well, but I am just not used to having such a limited amount of stamina for doing anything. That has, without a doubt, been the hardest part of chemo in general: accepting the fact that right now, there are just going to be some things that don’t get done in the time frame that I wish they could.
So at a high level… I am doing much better than I was during the first two rounds. However, I still have to realize that I am compromised and need to temper my hubris. I had offers to take me to the eye doctor yesterday, but I stubbornly drove myself and also paid a visit to my parents afterwards. On top of working that morning, it was just collectively too much going on for the state in which I am. I’ve said before that effectively I have 10 shitty days each cycle and 4 good ones… and I need to respect that. I was on day 7 of the 10 shitty days part of the cycle, and I knew that… I just thought I was doing well enough to ignore my own limitations. Each rotation, I learn something new about myself and about the treatment, so I will just file yesterday away as another of those learning moments.
The post State of the Bel: Round Three appeared first on Tales of the Aggronaut.
