Daily Blogging

The Routine

For awhile now I have thought about breaking the habit of daily blogging, but honestly there is a bit of fear in it.  I got into a small thread on twitter yesterday about this topic and Wilhelm outlines my biggest fear.  If I stopped blogging every single day…  I question if I would ever start back up again.  The irony of this daily blogging thing… is that when I started it I went from being one of the least prolific bloggers to one of the most…  almost over night.  I started doing this daily blogging routine in April of 2013.  My blog however was started in April of 2009, and during those first four years I only managed to make 148 posts.  The largest lapse without any posts was between August of 2012 and April of 2013.  Ultimately my fear is that if I stop the routine… I will go back to that… because of the posts on my blog 1018 happened after I forced myself into this routine.  Ultimately this is part of my schtick, that I tell folks during the Newbie Blogger Initiative and Blaugust is that once upon a time I used to be one of the least regular bloggers out there, but I started down a path….  and quite honestly I am now a bit scared to ever step off of it.

The truth is, my blog started out as a thing largely about gaming but has turned into something more than that.  I never really kept a diary or a journal, but in essence that is what this blog has become.  These are the chronicles of my adventures, mistakes and all of the various things that happen in between.  Over the years I got considerably more personal, and have shared some pretty private stuff with my blog readers.  When something bad has happened in my life, you have been there with me… and often times supporting me.  When there has been a victory…  you have all shared in the glory.  Admittedly there are a lot of details that I leave off the page.  For example I don’t usually mention my wife or family members by name.  In theory I could give a name to her… the way my friend Grace does her husband…  but there is not a nickname that I call her with enough consistency as to make that not feel artificial.  Over the years I’ve created a bit of a rule set that I try and follow.

  • Don’t call people out by name (unless they have called me out first)
  • If something bad happens, focus on the event and not the people
  • If something good happens, talk about the people who made it good
  • Try and remain positive, and not get bogged down in the depression
  • Even though I am filtering…  be honest about my own failures
  • Be humble and thankful that anyone reads my blog at all

The Benefit

I have of course failed at all of them at some point or another, but those are the basic guidelines that I think about when I am writing.  When folks think about this whole daily blogging thing, they tend to focus on the negative.  Sure it is tedious to get up every morning and knock out a blog post before I leave the house.  On the weekends, and when I am taking a day off like I did today I tend to give myself a little more breathing room.  However most of the time like clockwork I can knock out a blog post in thirty minutes to an hour depending on how much I get distracted.  The only day it wears on me is Sundays, when I have to prepare both a podcast episode and knock out a blog post before I can really get on with my day.  For a long time I was staying up until one or two in the morning editing AggroChat but I’ve recently started just heading to bed after the initial first pass.  If I get up at a decent hour I can knock out all of my bloggy/podcasty duties before my wife gets home from church, which gives us a better start to the day.

There is however a lot of benefit to getting up every morning and writing a post.  In many ways the act of writing about something, helps me investigate it further.  I will turn an idea over in my head, and through writing often process my feelings.  There is something about placing words on a page that makes it more “real” for me.  There is also the benefit of having a written log of everything I did during the year.  Each major event, ends up finding its way into my posts in one form or another, so in essence I am externalizing my memory.  So if I wanted to know the weekend I did this, or that… there is almost always a footnote somewhere in my blog about it that I can search later and place specific dates to memories.  Not sure exactly why, but there is something comforting about this… being able to look up with certainty when something happened in the past, and I have three years of my life documented like this now.

The Readers

The part of the equation that I have not sorted out however, is why the hell I have actual readers that continue to grow over the years.  At this point…  they have to be in this because they care about me, and not necessarily what I happen to be saying.  That proposition in itself is so damned strange.  There is this huge part of me that cannot fathom why more of you have not wandered off in boredom by now.  I do not lead an exciting life, and I tend to fall into the same routines in whatever I happen to be playing.  The truth is I have nothing terribly profound to say, and just represent your average person applying fingers to the keyboard.  I am blessed with some amazing friends, but it still shocks me when I meet someone and they tell me that they have read my blog for a long period of time.  I just want to ask them why?  At some point I stopped doing this because blogging seemed to be what the cool kids were doing.  I guess in truth I do the daily routine for me, and because it makes me feel like I am accomplishing something every morning before I even leave the house.  I get more out of this than I think anyone might realize.  I have this open dialog with the world, but in truth I am mostly talking to myself.  I am putting into print things I need to tell myself, and through the act of writing them out…  I actually take the time to listen.

 

Death

Forgive me the break from usual gaming and business-y posts. It’s been a bad week for beloved celebrities, and I’ve seen a lot of people expressing their grief in a variety of ways. A conversation I had yesterday sparked this post, a friend suggested I write what I told him on my blog, so here we are.

Death

I have had perhaps the gentlest introduction to death anyone could ask for. My parents are both doctors, and in the medical field death is an inevitability. A lot of people dislike or distrust doctors for their clinical detachment– it feels, to them, like the doctors don’t care. Growing up with two of them, I can say the opposite is true, at least for my parents. The detachment is what keeps someone sane when they literally hold people’s lives in their hands every single day, when they can get a phone call at 3AM and have to jump out of bed and rush to the hospital, no time for coffee, barely time to get dressed, in order to see to a patient whose treatment couldn’t wait until sunrise… and then work a full day with the patients whose treatments COULD wait.

I remember dinner conversations where, growing up, I thought the casual mention of a patient dying was shocking– how could something so serious get brought up so casually? In hindsight, I realize that was my parents’ way of remembering each patient who died. You’ll note I don’t use euphemisms like “passed away” or “left us”– my parents avoided using them, possibly in order to honestly internalize the weight, possibly because neither of them are much for sugar-coating reality, so I’ve never picked up the habit.

In a similar vein, I was never told the lie, growing up, that my parents would be around “forever” to take care of me. They would always say “as long as I can”, and it was just as comforting to me as the lie would have been. I remember correcting a babysitter at one point, who told me that my parents would be around “forever”, and I told her they wouldn’t, because people don’t live forever. I think she, in her twenties at the time, was somewhat put off by this coming from a seven- or eight-year-old’s mouth.

I don’t really talk about my views on death very often, because it tends to put people off. I feel like life is inherently limited, and that accepting death is a very personal thing. I am less sad about the end of a long life well lived than I am about a life cut short too early, potential unrealized. I understand why we have funerals, but I’ve always thought it a pity that they’re such somber affairs, rather than individually tailored to the person, the way we do with weddings. The end of a life well lived should, I feel, be a raucous celebration akin to the last dance at a ball, a final party to mark the end of a good run. This bothers some people, who feel like that’s inadequately respectful. I dunno, I kind of think I’d want the last big gathering of my friends and family to be an outing that I’d actually want to attend, were I still around.

People don’t live forever. I feel like this is one of the hardest realities to come to terms with, and I consider myself lucky that I had it instilled in me early. I remember a funeral, once, and my parents’ stoic composure while everyone else in the room sobbed and wailed. I remember thinking they looked wistful, rather than sad, and later I asked why. My mom put it well: “I hope that when I die, I will have made that many people happy enough to come see me off.”

I do too.

Daydreams and Anger

Powerball Mania

It seems like the only thing that people have been talking about over the last few days at least locally, is the insanity that is the 1.5 billion dollar powerball jackpot.  This sounds only slightly less impressive when you realize that the cash payout was 900 million… and that the IRS would have claimed at least a third of that before it ever actually got to you.  Still however roughly 600 million dollars is a lot of money, more money that I would ever know what to do with.  Which is a fact that became more clear as the days went on.  I’ve been part of an office pool for years, that I largely look at as “insurance”.  Enough people are in said pool that if they hit the numbers there would be a lot of tendered resignations the next day…. and I feel like I would like to at least have that option.  If all of those folks walked…. work would be a pretty miserable place to be for awhile.  The thing is…  for me it is exactly like paying an extra tax and I never really consider what would happen if they actually did win.  However when the powerball itself was up this high, I had to actually purchase a handful of tickets for myself.

The thing about holding something in your hand that could potentially make you at least on paper a billionaire, starts you daydreaming a little.  However I feel like maybe went in different directions than most people.  Quite honestly the only things I could really think of that I would want to do with the money is buy a new gaming rig and a new gaming laptop.  I mean there is  the usual “lets quit work and do what we want to” pipe dream as well, but that one is probably common among all people.  I have no burning desire to buy a bunch of cars, or buy a new lavish and extravagant house.  In the grand scheme of things… I life a pretty damned charmed life and how “meager” my lottery daydreams were only served to prove that I guess.  Most of the things that I would ultimately end up doing… are already in the realm of possibility for me…  well other than the quitting work thing.  Even though my brain consistently tries to tell me that I am not…  fuck you depression…  I guess I really am fairly happy with life in general.  Now if someone wanted to give me part of their winnings however…. I wouldn’t say no.

Calm Night

Daydreams and Anger

Life affirming message above aside…  yesterday was a really really bad day.  Nothing truly catastrophic mind you, because there are lots of worse things that could have happened.  We have just been dealing with this vendor at work, that seems to keep pulling new requirements out of their ass at the 11th hour.  I get really tired of parachuting in and fixing messes, that never needed to be messes in the first place.  I have some rage issues, and I always have had them.  As a kid I used to push down all the negativity until it eventually erupted and all of that bile and bad blood ended up getting targeted at usually the wrong person.  Over the years I have learned to blow off steam in little bits here and there, rather than letting my problems get big enough to cause a thermonuclear explosion.  Yesterday however… I came precariously close to losing my shit on a conference call.  There was a point at which I just had to stop talking for a little bit…  I am not sure how long…  but I knew if I continued talking a stream of hate would spew forth in a manner that is just not acceptable in the work place.  Within a 45 minute period I had to configure a new reverse proxy server… on the existing application box…  configure it… and all the while keep from trying to break the vendor application sharing the same space.  I got it done… and then a friend took me out to lunch to get me out of the environment long enough to reset the fuse.

So on the way home from work last night, I stopped by the liquor store to get something that would hopefully cause me to chill out and relax the rest of the evening.  I took a red solo cup… because there is just something comforting about them…  filled it up one third buttershots, one third baileys, and the last third with milk.  If you want to chill out… I highly suggest this drink because after that the world felt nice and warm and fuzzy.  After that I had a night where I flitted around games, popping into World of Warcraft and messing with my garrisons and shipyards…. but not really settling on any one character long enough to play much of anything.  I eventually popped into voice chat and logged over into Warframe running a few things with Tam and Ashgar until Tam needed to go to class.  From there Ash and I attempted to do a bunch of things…  the last of which was defeating a planetary boss.  The unfortunate thing is that Ash ran out of resurrections… and I barely finished the boss off… but he didn’t get credit which is kinda bullshit.  As an Excaliber the best thing about me… is my melee abilities, but unfortunately on that boss that seemed useless.  Hopefully when I am not imparied the fight will go a hell of a lot easier, and we can get him through it maybe tonight.

 

 

 

More on Warframe (Playing With Friends)

Last night we managed to get a group together for Warframe– Ash, Bel and I got together and rocked some missions, it was a ton of fun. I want to dive in a little bit more to talk about why, after the initial coolness of motion and combat has settled down a bit, I’m still really interested in playing more of this game.

More on Warframe (Playing With Friends)

I started with the Volt frame, and I’ve since picked up a few other frames (Ember, Trinity, Ivara), and traded a few rare items I’d picked up for the start of a Prime frame. A “frame” is essentially a character, like in League of Legends– they have their own stats, their own unique abilities, and their own appearance. A Prime frame is essentially a souped-up version of a standard frame, with better stats and usually a unique trick or two. They can’t be bought on the store, the parts have to be found on missions and constructed.

I’ve played a LOT in the last few days. I’ve got a goodly selection of mods, I’ve got a decent sense of how to level them up and how a handful of different frames play, and I know how crafting and various other systems work. Ash has about the same knowledge of the systems with a bit of a deeper understanding of the item stats and how they interact, but less playtime and thus fewer levels on fewer frames. Bel started playing this afternoon, with basically no knowledge of the game other than what he’d read about.

More on Warframe (Playing With Friends)

Bel played the first two tutorial missions, roughly twenty or thirty minutes’ worth, and then Ash and I jumped in with fresh, unlevelled frames to join up with. The entire thing was seamless. What’s more, I had an unlocked mission that the other two did not, and I was able to load it up and bring them with me. Ash and I ran a mission that he wasn’t even close to unlocking, and when we beat it he got unlocks for the other surrounding missions, just as if he’d reached it normally. We were able to then go and fight the boss of the planet and unlock the next planet in the series. We also jumped into a mission with wildly uneven frame levels, and it worked just fine. I wasn’t overpowered and dominating the mission any more than he was underpowered and struggling. This includes story missions as well– Ash and I jumped in on several of Bel’s story missions and got XP and useful rewards, despite having played them already.

I have a hard time expressing how much I like this. Levelling up isn’t meaningless, but it is in no way an impediment to you playing with your friends. I could jump in with a max level frame with my friend who’s just started and we’d still be able to have a good time. I can carry over my progress on weapons and mods to a new frame I choose to play to get a little boost, or I can start totally fresh with an unlevelled frame and weapons with a buddy, and play at exactly their level while still benefiting– credits, XP, and levels on new frames are all worthwhile.

More on Warframe (Playing With Friends)

There’s even a player level, which rises much more slowly than everything else and requires that you pass an exam to level up. Exams can only be attempted once per day, whether you succeed or fail. Raising your player level unlocks new options for weapons, frames, and various game features like trading and factions, but has little effect on your frames themselves. What I find interesting is that it doesn’t rise with XP earned, it rises as you level up frames and weapons. In order to get a high player level, you NEED to keep trying new weapons and frames and levelling them up, so you want to level up something new with a new friend who’s joined the game.

Kodra is out of town, but I suspect he’ll like the game once we get into it and have his own set of favorite frames. I have a frame set aside to try out once we can play together, as does Ash (I believe), and none of it will feel unnecessary or like it’s holding us back. The whole setup is very elegant, and brings a “play with your friends” mentality that I found absent even in games like Borderlands, Destiny, or even the majority of MMOs, where even a mild level or gear gap was significantly noticable.

More on Warframe (Playing With Friends)

When I go on about games needing to let you play with your friends, and removing “levelling”, Warframe is a prime example of what I’m talking about. Sure, individual parts of the game have levels, and increase in level as you play, but none of them separate you from playing with other people, and the biggest “overall” level (your player level) is largely insignificant in actual gameplay. Levelling is distributed across a wide variety of parts of the game, and the sense of progression and advancement isn’t diminished.