This mornings post is going to be a bit of an odd one but please bear with me. First off I feel like I need to start this with a disclaimer. Gatekeeping is awful full stop. Please don’t do it. Gatekeeping leads to toxicity in communities and it just isn’t cool to try and keep someone out because they don’t align to your lofty ideals for what being part of that community means. All of that said… as a fortysomething geek I understand all too well why it continues to persist in spite of all attempts to remove it. So I feel like I have to start with the inspiration behind this… well whatever it ends up being.
This friends is Emma Langevin a name I only know how to pronounce because she did a Q/A video where she started off pronouncing it. She is a 21 year old TikToker and YouTuber and also is funny as hell. In her videos she occasionally wears assorted Nirvana T-Shirts and has apparently caught shit for doing so. There are of course the ever so creative “were you even alive” comments and the answer to that is no. However fandom doesn’t exactly have an expiration date to it and I figure Emma has just as much right to put on Lithium on a bad day as I do. While I don’t condone this behavior, on some level I still get it because I probably would have been one of these assholes were it not for a series of friends who called me out on my shit.
So the positive is that we live in a time when it is much easier to be into weird shit than it used to be. While boomers were ultimately the first to step out of line against the 1950s Nuclear family, they nonetheless created their own social hierarchy of order and conformity. The 1980s were in many ways about figuring out which template you belonged to and then attempting to conform your desires to fit that mold. If you didn’t necessarily fit into one of those predetermined roles, it could be extremely lonely. Diversity was not a thing that was celebrated in any form and least of which was Diversity of thought.
So many of us desperately sought signs of being part of a larger community. So various pieces of apparel, mannerisms, or activities became a sort of social shorthand for finding someone that might be a kindred soul. You saw someone walking through the mall wearing a Vampire the Masquerade T-Shirt and chances are as a Pen and Paper Dork you were going to find some common ground and maybe even strike up a conversation. In a land filled with polo shirts with popped collars… these folks stood out and were magnetically drawn to each other. The jean jacket often times became the cultural currency emblazoned arcane sigils that would let anyone else you encounter know that you were one of them. Mine changed a lot over the years but for at least one period of it I had a giant Powell Peralta Ripper on the back… which I got because I thought was cool even though never actually owned a single Powell Peralta skateboard. I had more from Santa Cruz than pretty much any other single brand.
Another common currency of “belonging” was the concert tee. Growing up we traded crappy recordings of all of these bands that were then underground. I first got clued into Nirvana because they were the backing soundtrack for a skate tape. Truthfully most of the musical was desperately lifted from the credits of a skate video. I’ve talked before about Santa Cruz Skateboards Streets on Fire movie and how important its soundtrack ultimately became to me. The thing is growing up in flyover country you sorta had to import your culture from somewhere else because it most certainly wasn’t happening natively. In truth we were all a bunch of posers… because we had to invent our way of life based on the clippings and footnotes found in smuggled media.
I cannot understate just how damned hard it was to get anything “good” in the small town I grew up in. We had been listening to the Red Hot Chili Peppers for years and only knew of them because they played in the background of some movie we watched. Then we sorta went on a crusade to try and find as much of their music as we could. I cannot fully explain how excited I was when I saw this cassette single sitting near the electronics department check out at a Walmart. Something “WE” cared about actually getting noticed and becoming significantly more easily available. That excitement turned to frustration however as this thing that we felt ownership over… because we had to struggle so hard to get it in the first place… became something that the jocks were listening to.
So this rapid succession of being excited because the accessibility and then getting frustrated at the popularity was a cycle that I absolutely remember going through for several things. The thing is that I now recognize the sheer amount of nonsense that was involved in this reaction. That said I remember going through it all the same because RHCP had sorta been one of those arcane signals of belonging that helped us find more members of our tribe. Even though that “tribe” was contorted as fuck because none of us actually had the exact same ideals or believes or even hobbies. There was overlap obviously but everyone sorta had their own thing going on and we couldn’t really understand at the time that it wasn’t necessarily the shared experiences alone that bound us together.
This wanting to belong and trying to self sort yourself into a container that was easily recognizable was so strong that the very first thing I did when I got a laptop for college… is slap a NIN sticker on the back. Still to this day I have to resist the urge to go over and talk to anyone that has a Horde or N7 logo sticker on the back of their vehicle because that desire to find my people still exists somewhere buried deep inside. Where it turns sour and becomes toxic however is when belonging isn’t enough and you feel like you need to exclude others from finding the thing that you thought was special and unique. I am not exactly sure how to combat that instinct because I too understand it. I was annoyed at how easy folks had it when they found out RHCP existed with Blood Sugar Sex Magic or started listening to Nine Inch Nails after Downward Spiral. They didn’t have to find some seedy tape shop in a town 2 hours away to find the latest concert bootleg of the band. All they had to do was walk into Walmart and make a purchase.
I personally have learned the hard fought lesson that more access to good things is infinitely better for everyone involved. You get access to the things I love and in turn I get better access to the things that you love that I maybe also will love as well. So yeah Emma Langevin was born some six years after the death of Kurt Cobain, but that shouldn’t grant her any less access to being a Nirvana fan. I personally “discovered” Led Zeppelin some eight to ten years after the band broke up, and I didn’t feel like not being there when they were initially relevant was any hamper on my enjoyment of the music. I first listened to Rush in 1990 when a friend loaned me their Chronicles double CD set, and have been a diehard fan of the band ever since. Yet I am certain there is someone waiting in the wings to tell me I am a poser for not being able to conform to some artificial litmus test for fandom.
There used to be a part of me that was a little bummed that the age of instant friendship because of some shared ideal was gone. Then I realized that pretty much my entire twitter feed is populated by random strangers that I happened across because of some shared interest and then decided to strike up a friendship as a result. The act of Gatekeeping was not the social structure that allowed you to make life long friendships. In fact it probably limited your horizons to the point to where you could only see a handful of people. I wish I could spread that message to more people, that you don’t need to carefully guard these things that you love because once they spread they end up becoming far cooler as a result. To be honest one of the best experiences ever is watching someone experience something for the first time that you yourself love. I personally experience this almost contact high of reliving those same emotions that I went through when I discovered the thing in the first place.
Ultimately sharing something is how you keep it alive. Each time you can ignite the fire in someone else’s heart, it allows those really good things to transcend generations. I mean sure it is weird that going down the toy isle is a greatest hits collection of the toys that I grew up with… but it also means that things like the newest rendition of Duck Tales exist for a whole new generation. As a grizzled old man I get to experience being a kid once again as I view these favorite things in a new light.
The post Subculture and Gatekeeping appeared first on Tales of the Aggronaut.
Hey Folks! It is a very story morning and I am listening to the rain pouring down around me right now as I sit down to write a post that likely no one is interested in. About a week ago I had an interaction with someone on twitter that was asking a pretty simple question. However my answer veered off in a different direction than I think they were expecting and I have been thinking about my comments for the last week. I guess let’s start with what exactly I said.
No and honestly I am personally tiring of the machinery of streaming. I find it so much more likely that I stick around and watch a stream if it is just a person playing a game with or without a camera, but I might be the exception rather than the rule. Overlays and Alerts and subscription widgets and all of that stuff was really cool when it was brand new, but now that it feels like everyone is obligated to have all of these things going on… it is sorta distorting the experience of hanging out with someone while they play
I realize that I am probably in the minority with this statement, but I have very much found myself tiring of the machinery of streaming. I know that is a strange phrase but I am not sure how else to describe it. Streams as a whole are now these large productions that end up feeling an awful lot like the barker at a carnival sideshow. Logging into a stream these days involves all of these widgets going off competing for your attention. Not only is there the flow of chat that is often incomprehensible but also tickers scrolling indicating who is leading in the donation count and alerts popping up each time some sort of interaction goal is met or follow is achieved. Everything competing for your attention but none of it really garnering it.
Once again I realize I probably use Twitch in a different manner than the most diehard of users. I tune in when I see that one of my friends is streaming and more or less it is for the purpose of hanging out while they play a game. All of the accoutrements feels like it gets in the way of that singular purpose. Twitch has sorta become this nesting doll of mini-games over the years and as a result it feels like the general experience of hanging out with someone while they play a game gets lost in the process. I realize that for some that might not be the core reason why they tune into Twitch or YouTube Gaming, but for me it is very much the case that I am there for that simple core interaction with a streamer while they are playing a game.
I remember dabbling in bots and alerts and running StreamLabs OBS because it sort of took care of everything for me. It was all new and exciting and fun to configure the first time, but after having seen it play out countless times on stream it all wears a little thin. I am significantly more engaged when I just see someone streaming a game and occasionally interacting with chat than I am when someone has a streamer theme package and a whole lot of doodads consuming screen real estate. I get in some ways many of these streams are trying to create a self perpetuating feedback cycle that keeps folks engaged in a constant loop, but for me… I find myself wanting off of that ride quickly.
Weirdly I used to stream quite a bit. In my head that seems like it was only a little bit ago that I did this thing but looking back… my prolific period was roughly seven years ago. Also looking back, the very last time that I went live with any game was roughly two years ago. I am not sure WHY I stopped streaming. I think on some level I just ended up stuck in a very turtle mode rut of not interacting with other human beings while gaming. That has more or less been the case for a few years now of me avoiding multiplayer content and absolutely avoiding anything resembling public exhibition while gaming. I do sorta miss the concept of sharing what I was doing with a very small group of people who tuned in to watch it. I’m a Twitch Affiliate, but then again so is everyone else given that those requirements are pretty low.
There are times that I flirt with the concept of going live again but always stop myself before actually doing it. More recently I have recorded a number of videos of me playing various games starting with Minecraft but more recently Valheim. Those have felt pretty good when I have recorded them, but it is also a very one-sided interaction. It feels safe to treat those much in the same way as I do this blog in that on some level I pretend that I am largely talking to myself and ignoring the fact that someone at some point is going to consume the thing I created. With streaming you don’t really have that luxury because you are effectively on air and live to the world, but then it feels bad if no one shows up to that broadcast to keep you company.
The funny thing about my prolific streaming period… is I guess I did not realize just how much I streamed. Essentially there are videos that were replicated over to YouTube of pretty much my entire play through of Elder Scrolls Online and the main story at launch. I think I added it up and just ESO alone it was some fifty hours of streaming. Included in these are a few gems that I have recently revisited of some of us experiencing dungeons for the very first time. This for example is Banished Cells with general group commentary streaming along with me. Watching these again is almost like seeing a version of me that I barely recognize. I was always grouped and always running group content and now I seem to avoid that like the freaking plague. I am not even certain how I used to put myself out there constantly like that.
While I have wildly veered off topic, it seems like my personal jam is just enough stuff on screen to explain what game you are playing and also maybe hide chat. Like ultimately that is why I started putting shit on the screen as an overlay in the first place. It wasn’t necessarily that I was trying to hide anything, but more that I was trying to protect the privacy of any folks that might be interacting with me over chat. Like there was once a time when I would log in to a bunch of messages from friends and I didn’t want any of those inadvertently broadcast. However my personal preference would always land on the side of just straight broadcasting my screen with some random voice over commentary.
I feel like I have lost a lot of the “Me” that existed a decade ago. Like I said before I barely recognize the person who was so prolifically streaming seven years ago. Truth be told I barely recognize the me that was hanging out and streaming World of Warcraft in lieu of recording AggroChat in the above video. I have become so filled with self doubt and anxiety that just talking to another human being in game is a chore that burns through all of my utensils for the day. The problem being that I am not sure how to get back to the person that I used to be. Things change and you don’t realize they are changing until you have gone so far down a path that you can barely see where you started. Today’s post is proof that I do not stage these topics ahead of time, because I started talking about one thing and then have veered wildly into another.
There is a part of me that sorta wants to go live again. Maybe in doing so it would force me to start dipping my toes into group play again. I doubt I would have anyone watch my nonsense, but just the act of sorta putting myself out there might start to batter down this barrier I have built up around me. I miss the person that I used to be and I am not sure yet how to get back there.
The post Machinery of Streaming appeared first on Tales of the Aggronaut.
Hey Folks! It is a very story morning and I am listening to the rain pouring down around me right now as I sit down to write a post that likely no one is interested in. About a week ago I had an interaction with someone on twitter that was asking a pretty simple question. However my answer veered off in a different direction than I think they were expecting and I have been thinking about my comments for the last week. I guess let’s start with what exactly I said.
No and honestly I am personally tiring of the machinery of streaming. I find it so much more likely that I stick around and watch a stream if it is just a person playing a game with or without a camera, but I might be the exception rather than the rule. Overlays and Alerts and subscription widgets and all of that stuff was really cool when it was brand new, but now that it feels like everyone is obligated to have all of these things going on… it is sorta distorting the experience of hanging out with someone while they play
I realize that I am probably in the minority with this statement, but I have very much found myself tiring of the machinery of streaming. I know that is a strange phrase but I am not sure how else to describe it. Streams as a whole are now these large productions that end up feeling an awful lot like the barker at a carnival sideshow. Logging into a stream these days involves all of these widgets going off competing for your attention. Not only is there the flow of chat that is often incomprehensible but also tickers scrolling indicating who is leading in the donation count and alerts popping up each time some sort of interaction goal is met or follow is achieved. Everything competing for your attention but none of it really garnering it.
Once again I realize I probably use Twitch in a different manner than the most diehard of users. I tune in when I see that one of my friends is streaming and more or less it is for the purpose of hanging out while they play a game. All of the accoutrements feels like it gets in the way of that singular purpose. Twitch has sorta become this nesting doll of mini-games over the years and as a result it feels like the general experience of hanging out with someone while they play a game gets lost in the process. I realize that for some that might not be the core reason why they tune into Twitch or YouTube Gaming, but for me it is very much the case that I am there for that simple core interaction with a streamer while they are playing a game.
I remember dabbling in bots and alerts and running StreamLabs OBS because it sort of took care of everything for me. It was all new and exciting and fun to configure the first time, but after having seen it play out countless times on stream it all wears a little thin. I am significantly more engaged when I just see someone streaming a game and occasionally interacting with chat than I am when someone has a streamer theme package and a whole lot of doodads consuming screen real estate. I get in some ways many of these streams are trying to create a self perpetuating feedback cycle that keeps folks engaged in a constant loop, but for me… I find myself wanting off of that ride quickly.
Weirdly I used to stream quite a bit. In my head that seems like it was only a little bit ago that I did this thing but looking back… my prolific period was roughly seven years ago. Also looking back, the very last time that I went live with any game was roughly two years ago. I am not sure WHY I stopped streaming. I think on some level I just ended up stuck in a very turtle mode rut of not interacting with other human beings while gaming. That has more or less been the case for a few years now of me avoiding multiplayer content and absolutely avoiding anything resembling public exhibition while gaming. I do sorta miss the concept of sharing what I was doing with a very small group of people who tuned in to watch it. I’m a Twitch Affiliate, but then again so is everyone else given that those requirements are pretty low.
There are times that I flirt with the concept of going live again but always stop myself before actually doing it. More recently I have recorded a number of videos of me playing various games starting with Minecraft but more recently Valheim. Those have felt pretty good when I have recorded them, but it is also a very one-sided interaction. It feels safe to treat those much in the same way as I do this blog in that on some level I pretend that I am largely talking to myself and ignoring the fact that someone at some point is going to consume the thing I created. With streaming you don’t really have that luxury because you are effectively on air and live to the world, but then it feels bad if no one shows up to that broadcast to keep you company.
The funny thing about my prolific streaming period… is I guess I did not realize just how much I streamed. Essentially there are videos that were replicated over to YouTube of pretty much my entire play through of Elder Scrolls Online and the main story at launch. I think I added it up and just ESO alone it was some fifty hours of streaming. Included in these are a few gems that I have recently revisited of some of us experiencing dungeons for the very first time. This for example is Banished Cells with general group commentary streaming along with me. Watching these again is almost like seeing a version of me that I barely recognize. I was always grouped and always running group content and now I seem to avoid that like the freaking plague. I am not even certain how I used to put myself out there constantly like that.
While I have wildly veered off topic, it seems like my personal jam is just enough stuff on screen to explain what game you are playing and also maybe hide chat. Like ultimately that is why I started putting shit on the screen as an overlay in the first place. It wasn’t necessarily that I was trying to hide anything, but more that I was trying to protect the privacy of any folks that might be interacting with me over chat. Like there was once a time when I would log in to a bunch of messages from friends and I didn’t want any of those inadvertently broadcast. However my personal preference would always land on the side of just straight broadcasting my screen with some random voice over commentary.
I feel like I have lost a lot of the “Me” that existed a decade ago. Like I said before I barely recognize the person who was so prolifically streaming seven years ago. Truth be told I barely recognize the me that was hanging out and streaming World of Warcraft in lieu of recording AggroChat in the above video. I have become so filled with self doubt and anxiety that just talking to another human being in game is a chore that burns through all of my utensils for the day. The problem being that I am not sure how to get back to the person that I used to be. Things change and you don’t realize they are changing until you have gone so far down a path that you can barely see where you started. Today’s post is proof that I do not stage these topics ahead of time, because I started talking about one thing and then have veered wildly into another.
There is a part of me that sorta wants to go live again. Maybe in doing so it would force me to start dipping my toes into group play again. I doubt I would have anyone watch my nonsense, but just the act of sorta putting myself out there might start to batter down this barrier I have built up around me. I miss the person that I used to be and I am not sure yet how to get back there.
The post Machinery of Streaming appeared first on Tales of the Aggronaut.
Morning Friends! I am going to apologize for the rapid tonal whiplash of my posts right now, but like I said the other day I have a case of the inbetweensies and am bouncing around a bit. One of the things that I wish I was better at was staying engaged with Elder Scrolls Online. At least once a year I have this revelation of just how damned good this game is and what a phenomenal success it has been at delivering good story content on a pretty regular release cadence. I am weird when it comes to this game however in that I want to experience content in the order it was released. One of my favorite things about the game initially was that I could experience all the content on a single character and that is more or less what I have set out to do. So far I have tackled:
Daggerfall Covenant Campaign
Aldmeri Dominion Campaign
Ebonheart Pact Campaign
Imperial City
Orsinium
Thieves Guild
Dark Brotherhood
Morrowind
I’m in the middle of the Vvardenfell campaign, and I think I bounced the last time I was playing because some of the Morrowind area cities have a lot of Z-Axis nonsense on trying to find the next objective. Coming back over the last few nights I have pushed through this and gotten back out into the open countryside which is more my jam in the first place. This game is really damned good folks and if you have never played it, you should really check it out. I have a long history with ESO, and even I sometimes forget what a crowning achievement this game really is. The combat at times is a bit of an acquired taste, but I always find myself greatly enjoying the story.
If my calculations are correct, once I get to the end of Vvardenfell, the content order looks a little bit like this. Please note this is just me being weird and as far as I know none of the content needs to be tackled in any particular order.
Clockwork City
Summerset
Murkmire
Northern Elsweyr
Southern Elsweyr
Western Skyrim
The Reach
Blackwood
There has been an excessive amount of content released for this game and that is completely skipping over all of the dungeons. I’ve largely mentally done that because I didn’t have a good static group of friends to tackle them with. However more recently I have been hanging out with my good friends Clockwork Bells and Zuulzilla while we all sorta do our own things in game. They similarly have been disappointed by Shadowlands and looking for something else to latch onto, and apparently have some other friends looking to play as well. The big thing is so far we seem to have pretty drift compatible play times, which means in theory we could start tackling the dungeons.
I apparently am still fairly tanky as I managed to maintain threat on this world boss extremely successfully. I am consistently surprised by just how much activity there is for given encounters. Generally speaking when I roll up to a world boss spawn, I don’t have to wait terribly long before a crowd assembles and we can easily take it down. This all feels super organic and I even see calls for assistance answered in general chat, which is such a weird concept to me coming out of seemingly much more toxic game communities. Not saying it is this bastion for all that is good and wholesome in the world, but I have been relatively impressed so far.
There is a love applied to the content and you can tell it. These folks love what they are creating and moments like the freaking Buoyant Armigers like Captain Naros speaking in poems is pretty great. As she says… Warrior-poets are quite versatile. Each time I come back I enjoy myself and wonder why I left in the first place. I think I just sorta get easily distracted and the challenge with Elder Scrolls Online versus a World of Warcraft, is the moment to moment questing gameplay asks a lot more of you. A more traditional MMO I can grind mindlessly while catching up on my favorite shows, and a game like Elder Scrolls requires a bit more focus. There are times I want that and then there are times I just sorta want mindless busywork.
No matter how many times I leave and come back, one thing stays the same. My town of choice will always seem to be Shornhelm in Bangkorai. It might just be my Daggerfall Covenant pride, but I am pretty certain this is the most efficient town in the game. I posted the map so I could have a visual reference while talking about it. The portal is in a super handy place which is just up a hill from the bank, blacksmith, woodworker and stables. Additionally you can get to the thieves guild without encountering any town guards which may or may not be handy depending upon your playstyle. The only thing that isn’t super convenient is the wardrobe and enchanting/jewelry stations but given that the town itself is super small… you can get there expediently if you need to. If my character would have a home town it would be Shornhelm, and based on the high level player traffic I am guessing I am not the only one who feels this way.
The game is set up in a manner now that you can pretty much start any of the expansions and play that as your first content. I however still believe that the best content in the game to start with is the original starter islands of Stros M’Kai, Bleakrock and Kenarthi’s Roost. That is just my personal feeling however and it is entirely valid to start wherever you want in the content stack. The game will default to starting you in whatever the latest expansion is I believe and then from there you have quests that can take you to the other areas.
I have to admit that one of the major highlights of the evening was dusting off House Stalwart and inviting Zuu and Bells to it. I heavily recruited when this game first came out in 2014, and as a result we used to have a pretty massive and active guild. Largely I was just relying on my natural instant of trying to collect all of my friends into a single basket, but that doesn’t always work out in the manner I hope it would. The traditional MMO bounce happened and I quickly found myself in a pretty empty guild home. Over the years various folks have been active for various periods of time but for now we are mostly just using it as a shared chat room. I am hoping that we can actually make good on the idea of running some of these dungeons, because it would be awesome to see some of the more serious content that got added into the game over the years.
The post Evening in Vvardenfell appeared first on Tales of the Aggronaut.
