Groundhogs Day

Fair warning this is going to be a largely real world post.  There might accidentally be some gaming content but I can’t guarantee it at the start of this post.  I am still struggling to kick whatever junk I wound up with at Pax South, and the problem is it has been going on long enough that I am starting to fall into deep turtle mode.  For those not familiar with my personal verbiage, turtle mode is largely when I pull my head into my shell and forget the world exists.  The more stressed I am, the more likely I am to get stuck in my shell.  What frustrates me the most is that I don’t exactly want to be in this mode.  I had all of these plans to start streaming again, launch a second podcast… and when I stuck my head out I saw my shadow and went running back inside to hide.  I realize the title of this post was likely to confuse some folks because well…  the actual ground hogs day was in fact this month.  So there you go I tied up the reference in the first paragraph.  The prolonged illness part is a huge chunk of it, but so is the fact that work right now is sort of madness.  I am dealing with four different fires that sprung up over the last week, all of which are critical and all of which require immediate attention and have firm deadlines associated with them.  As a result when I get home I just sort of crash and crash hard.  Yesterday I talked about going to bed by 8, and last night I was asleep in my chair by 7:30-8ish and had moved to the bed by 9ish.  For some that might not seem strange but I am generally a barely able to fall asleep at midnight sort of person.  My body doesn’t seem to function at all if I get more than six hours of sleep in a given night.

Needless to say when I go into this mode it also makes me a flake.  Last night was for example the guild raid in WoW, and I simply could not do it.  I went back and forth on this point for awhile last night before simply surrendering to the fact that I would not be able to function even a minimal level as a tank, let alone the sort of tank they need for progression night.  I could not even be responsible for myself, let alone for an entire raid worth of people.  Knowing that is frustrating, because the will is in there…  but it is like the machine that is me cannot figure out how to sort its controls enough to actually function.  I hate that it seems like I have good weeks, where I am normal and functional… followed by several weeks of complete disarray and malfunction.  Part of it goes back to the whole “spoons” theory, in that right now I seem to have a super limited amount of spoons and my workplace is taking every last one of them to keep moving forward and existing.  Maybe things will calm down to the point once again where deadlines and critical issues are not looming so oppressively, but I feel horrible that I cannot seem to juggle both this world and the actual world that earns me a paycheck.  Of course I am going to spend my spoons on the side of the equation that keeps me in my home and my family safe and happy, but I swear I used to do a better job at keeping all of the plates spinning and in the air.

You my reader ultimately suffers in the balance as you have to deal with yet another “Malfunctioning Bel” post.  I ultimately write about my experiences good or bad, and when I am not actually experiencing anything interesting to talk about, I struggle to find things to post.  In theory I could simply skip a day, but part of me just wants to be brutally honest with my readers.  Tonight I am going to try and do the Thursday night Destiny thing again, which is as close to pure fun without any huge feelings of responsibility.  Jex and Squirrel have been carrying my worthless ass in that game for years now, and even when I fail they keep picking me right back up.  I had a talk last night with my wife, and she mentioned it is really like we are living in an alternate dimension, where all of the normal rules have been flipped upside down.  I guess in truth that is adding to the problems as well… it feels like everywhere I turn there is sheer and utter madness, and I need some stability in my life.  I’ve always been pretty good at compartmentalizing…  and so long as I have one area of my life that seems to be functioning normally I can shrug off a whole lot of chaos in the process.  The problem is…  I don’t really feel like I have that place right now.  My home life has been chaotic due to the whole needing to give up Luna for the good of her and our two elder cats.  My work is in a constant state of chaos, and has been for six months or so.  The gaming world is a self made chaos as I feel like I am pulled in a whole lot of different directions with different pools of friends playing different games.  Now the world as a whole is madness as each day I am treated to a new carnival of horrors thrust upon society by an administration that feels like is some cruel joke.  There is no safe place to stand in the maelstrom right now, and because of that…  I keep retreating inside hoping that someday when I poke my head out again the storm will have passed and we can feel some glimmer of happiness once more.

Gaming Goals February 2017

Whoops I posted in a new month without going over my gaming goals first. Let’s remedy that, shall we? First, a look back at January’s goals

January  Goals

WoW: Get that starbunny pet. Nope. I didn’t solo a single raid or even look for pets on the auction house. My WoW time took a nosedive last month, and I’m taking it off the goal list for February.

Diablo 3: Get all the cosmetic goodies from Season 9. Yes! And I got my stash tab! This is the closest I’ve ever come to finishing the season journey entirely, since I got 3 conquests done without too much trouble.

Get all the goodies and achievements from the Diablo anniversary event. Yes! It took a couple evenings of farming temporal priests and named monsters but I got it done before the event ended.

Destiny: Run some strikes with friends. Nope. Barely played Destiny at all last month.

Justice Monsters V: Clear the normal quests on Master difficulty. Nope. I discovered another round of quests past the 10-x series that have dual elemental focus so I’ve been working my way through those.

WildStar: Play once a week. Yes! I’ve actually been playing a little here and there and really enjoying myself again. It turns out that leveling a new alt was just what the space zombie doctor ordered.


February Goals

FFXIV: Finish the available Main Story Questline and see the new-to-me raid content. This is all locked behind an item level requirement of 230 or 235 so it means a bit of grinding but I’m sure I can get there.

FFXV: Pick this back up and play at least 2 chapters. The game is great and for some reason I dropped it suddenly. I need to make progress on it so I can eventually talk about it on the podcast!

WildStar: Keep playing once a week, and get my new esper alt to level 30. I’m keeping these goals modest because I don’t want to wreck a good thing. I’m just happy to be back in the game and see some of my old friends again.

Justice Monsters V: Clear all of the quests on any difficulty. I’m revising my goal from last month since there’s a bunch of quests I didn’t know existed then! I’d also really love to upgrade one of my monsters to legendary before the game ends, but without pouring money into a dying game that seems unlikely to happen.


Gaming Goals February 2017

Post Pax

Post Pax

Post PaxLast night I finally got back to the real world after a detour into Paxville.  What I mean by that is that Thursday through Sunday I was hanging out in San Antonio for Pax South.  This marked the third year of attending for myself and the third year of the South branch of Pax as a whole.  The only problem with this whole situation is that in my haste to pack I forgot to grab my laptop.  This mean I was largely disconnected from the world during the entire show.  I had every intent of getting up Friday morning and knocking out a blog post… and while I could have commandeered my wife’s laptop…  I simply opted to roll with the whole disconnected thing.  Sure I had my phone but the first rule of Pax is that internet rarely works at all from the vicinity of the convention.  The first day we were coordinating over a slack channel, but that died during the evening… and from there we had to fall back on text messages that while slow eventually did arrive at their intended target.

I failed miserably at the whole meeting up with folks aspect this year…  that is if you were not already in the group of people that I had the ability to text message.  I know that MidahHiker was there, but it is sheer madness trying to find anyone in the crowd.  I also know WallSavvy from Tequila Mockingbird my Destiny Clan was around… but he spent most of his time hanging out at the Overwatch tournament which was this giant ball of humanity… that ended up so packed that they made folks give up their seating to cram more people into the giant mosh pit that was the audience.  I spent most of my time roaming around with Ashgar and Paragon… with occasional visits from Rae when she wasn’t off doing stuff with her brother or watching the Overwatch tourney herself.  I also managed to connect with the Cosplay duo of Maovis and Exale… who brought his wife and super chill baby to meet me while I was standing in the hour and a half long line for Dauntless.

Post Pax

Speaking of lines…  lets talk about what I didn’t get to play.  The Nintendo Switch was the announcement that probably sold more tickets to Pax South than just about anything.  However quite literally… if you were standing in line to play Zelda Breath of the Wild…  then that was probably just about all you were going to do that day.  When I first got to the convention I managed to enter in a trajectory that took me past the Nintendo Booth and it was this swirling quagmire of humanity that I got stuck in for about fifteen minutes until I could chart a course through it.  Even on Friday the line reached out of the booth, around the corner and down two other booths lengths along a sheltered corner of the exhibition floor.  I mocked up an image from the convention floor layout to attempt to show the line…  it was double length next to the Nintendo Booth and then stretched along the entire length of the Nexon booth and was capped somewhere around the Rooster Teeth booth.  There was supposedly a shorter line for Mario Kart and ARMS but I did not even attempt it… because time slowed to a standstill anytime you were near the Nintendo area.  There were simply too many people for me to handle.

The show as a whole was significantly larger than the previous two years, with it moving into an entirely brand new area of the convention center.  The only negative there is that I could no longer get up above the floor and take cool aerial shots.  The weirdest part about this PAX experience is that the show as a whole consumes three floors of the convention center, with a fourth floor down at riverwalk level taken up usually by press appointment suites.  I never actually left the main floor, because there was more than enough there for me to do both Friday and Saturday.  I also spent a significant more time playing in the tabletop area this year than I had in past years.  The other new thing that happened this year is that I gave up on parking and took Lyft into the convention both days.  This made the whole experience so much more enjoyable because instead of getting up super early and trying to fight traffic in order to get one of the limited parking spots downtown… I chilled out in the hotel, ate a peaceful breakfast, and then hailed a rideshare.  There was never a point where I waited more than five minutes, and the ride in itself was no more than 10 minutes…. so within 15 minutes I could be on the show floor pretty reliably.  Three of the four trips were amazing… the final trip however the guy got lost a few times and wound up with a much bigger bill than I should have.  I talked to Lyft however and they almost instantly sent me a refund for part of the cost, which was pretty damned cool.  I am absolutely going this route in the future because it gives me the best of both worlds… easy access to the convention but a hotel with access to the various shopping areas for my wife to hang out in.

Post Pax Post Pax Post Pax

As far as the hotel goes… these images do not do it justice.  I am used to having a bedroom of sorts with a sitting room attached, but largely in one big open floorplan.  Instead of that we had literally three separate rooms.  The living room was way deeper than the photo shows and had recliner, sofa with pull out bed, television, extra dressers, and a relatively comfy desk with a ton of plugins available from the top.  The “kitchen” area was a full wet bar with cabinets below, sink, and microwave with a fully enclosed roomy bathroom to the left side of it.  The bedroom had your normal fare but what I noticed is… my wife could be listening to the television in the livingroom area and I could be watching something completely different without any bleedover.  They served a huge breakfast each morning where I largely chose sausage, eggs, breakfast potatos with country gravy.  My wife however had a wider mix of things.  They also served dinner each night so one night they had Taco fixings, and another night they apparently had something pasta oriented but I was not around for that one.  All in all it was a great trip… and the icing on the cake is that we realized the massive Half Priced Books Dallas flagship store is less than a block off the route that we take home making it super easy to stop in and hit that during the trip.  Over the next few days I plan on talking about individual games I played so I reserved today mostly as a sort of overview post.

Odd Remembrances

Odd Remembrances

I am taking a break from packing and cleaning to knock out a blog post while eating dinner.  I will of course embargo this so that it seems like I actually released it in the morning.  However we all know what is happening… that I am making my way to Pax South.  I have a whole bunch of anxiety about going to the convention once again, but in the grand scheme of things I think this will be a really good year.  For the last couple years there has been the stress of having to make press appointments and attempt to be the surrogate of a publication at the convention.  This time around I represent no one but myself… and of course the blog and podcast.  I will also once again have my good friend Ashgar to roam around with, which should be awesome as well.  I’ve made a pact to just go do things… rather than spend the entire convention walking around in circles looking for something to do like we managed to do last year.  Tomorrow will of course be spent driving, and I am hoping I can remember to pack everything that needs to be packed.  I made myself a Trello board in a vague attempt to keep track of things… and I already failed to get away from work with something so I am off to a grand start.

This is going to be a bit of an odd post, but earlier on twitter I happened to read a tweet from Matticus, to which a friend replied that he was “THEE Matticus”.  Instantly the above clip went through my head, and it is something that I have found myself mimicking throughout the years.  The problem being…  no one has a damned clue what I am referencing.  This is the point where I realize that the movies that were seemingly important to me growing up include some oddities.  There is of course Star Wars and Indiana Jones… but also a lot of movies that have not really stood up to the test of time.  Why they are special to me… is for an equally odd reason.  I grew up without cable television, in fact the first time I had cable was in 1996 when I moved away from home and got an apartment at college.  While I lived on the outskirts of my town… the cable refused to run down my driveway because it would have taken them just outside of the city limits.  As a result I largely existed with over the air television…  often watching excessive amounts of UHF stations because they seemed to have far more interesting broadcasting than the major networks.  The other salvation however was the VHS tape…  of which I had plenty both legitimate and with crudely scrawled labels on their spines.

One of my dads work buddies took it upon himself to help my predicament and it became a regular thing for us to send home a package of blank tapes, and at some point in the future receive a bundle of some of the most random movies.  These all consisted of whatever happened to be currently playing on HBO during the block of time when he was recording something, and as such there are weird streaks of movies that all came out in the same one or two year period that stick out in my mind.  The first of these is of course Romancing the Stone… which while an action flick probably would not have even made it on my radar were it not for the fact that it was one of the few action films we had, prior to the local video store closing the liquidating all of their movies.  Of note this is the point where I picked up Alien, Aliens, and Predator.  The truth is while I remember the plot well…  the only line that sticks out of the whole movie is the “zee joan wilder?”, and even then largely because my cousin and I thought it was hilarious to quote it.

Another one of these movies that holds a special place in my heart is My Science Project, which is admittedly a pretty forgettable 80s science fiction film.  It is this weird mix of a bunch of themes at the time crudely cemented together with a bad time travel plot line.  In truth it was the time travel aspect that I liked the most, and even to this day I have an silly enjoyment of anything Fisher Stevens is in.  Once again… this is not even a movie I probably would have rented but the fact that it mysteriously showed up on one of these recorded tapes meant that I watched it way more often than I probably should have.  Rental movies were sort of a special occasion type thing, at least until I got into the middle school era.  The first video rental place we had in town had a sort of shopping club buy in aspect to it, and the rentals were like $5 a piece…  which was madness for 1984.  I think the membership cost something silly like $100… but we had one even though we didn’t use it that often.  I had a bad habit of renting the same movies over and over…  like Ultraforce… which I was simply enamored with because of the flying motorcycle scene.  The 80s really were a strange time.