The Pilot and The Meat Suit

It has been a weird few weeks for me.  One of the problems I have had over the years is that people tend to value me way more than they should.  This means that I often get pulled in to consult on things that I have absolutely nothing to do with.  When you factor in the shift to management…  this seems to have only gotten worse.  Sure I have an above average ability to troubleshoot software related problems and my borderline nefarious past makes me decent at working through potential system flaws.  I’ve always sorta been a jack of all trades and master of none, and it turns out as I have gotten further in my career that is actually a really handy survival skill.  It helps me understand how the pieces fit together and how the different roles click into place to make a whirring machine function.

The biggest problem there is I find it mentally exhausting to attempt to solve the problems of others, because I sorta have to pour myself into the situation and ask a bunch of “what would I do” type questions.  As a result last night I completely missed the Mythical Nonsense night.  I had a dinner that was made up of Jalapeno Chicken, Corn Dodgers and Potato Wedges (Charlie’s Chicken is so good)…  and largely crashed out on the sofa until a short time later when my wife was ready for bed…  and I followed her extremely willingly to a comatose wonderland.  I stayed there until roughly 5:10 this morning when my body decided that I needed to be up…  which is about 20 minutes before the alarm goes off.  So I sat there quietly petting the cats on the edge of the bed until the cacophony of beeping happened.

As you might be able to tell by now this is not exactly my normal post, because I really don’t have a lot of gaming information to talk about.  Instead you are getting something else that may or may not be weird and awkward.  For as long as I have remembered I have had this sort of feeling inside that I wasn’t real.  I am not exactly sure how to put it other than that, that I am not actually part of my own life.  When I get tired or stressed I find myself sorta going on auto pilot and then watching my life happen as though I were watching a movie.  I am detached and somewhere else just casually browsing what my meat puppet of a body is doing without me actually being resident in it.

The closest thing I can explain it as is though the me that everyone else interacts with is not actually really me.  Instead it is like the real me is someone piloting this flesh mech around and occasionally gets bored of doing so…  and instead retreats to just letting the AI take over.  Every so often things will shift back into focus and I will with startling realization notice that I am in fact real and I am in fact effected by whatever is going on.  This is always jarring when it happens no matter how many times I experience the shift in perspective.  It’s like something has tethered me back to my meat suit and forced me to actually interact with the world in first person again instead of the blissfully detached third person I was enjoying.

Now you could just say that I was letting my mind wander, but it has always felt more than that.  Its like for a bit the “me” inside of me took a break and wandered off because it got bored with whatever happened to be going on.  It is really frustrating when this happens during a conversation because then I sorta have to try really hard to catch up and “grok” whatever the hell was just being said because I know at some point someone is going to expect an answer that makes sense.  It is weird feeling like a spectator in your own life.  Like I said before… this was going to be an odd post from the start but it was the thing that was presently on my mind.

 

Monster Hunter and Destiny

While I am not quite ready to throw out a complete post about it…  I am swirling around in my head the notion of rebooting Blaugust this year.  If I did so it would be a slightly different affair and I am sorting out in my head exactly what that might entail.  There was a period of time when we had a bunch of events happening at the same time…  Developer Appreciation Week, Newbie Blogger Initiative and Blaugust.  None of which really exist today in their current form and have not properly for a few years.  So in remixing Blaugust I would be also attempting to fill some of the niches that the others provided as well by laying out a series of themed weeks.  The rough idea is it would start with the last full week in July as a sort of “Prep Week” where the remaining elder bloggers would sorta throw out “how to get started” posts from an inspirational, logistical or technical manner.  It is still an idea that is incubating however so I will do some sort of a larger post once it has solidified completely in my head.

Monster Hunter and Destiny

The other general thought that has been going around in my head is that Monster Hunter World has become my new Destiny: The Taken King.  That sounds counter intuitive I know since Destiny 2 is a much closer simulacrum to the original game than Monster Hunter World given that they are two completely different genres.  However what I am talking about is more the way I engage with the game rather than the way the game actually plays.  Destiny 1… especially during the Taken King era was this game I was completely obsessed with and wanted to know every tiny bit of lore I could find for it.  It was this giant box of content that allowed me to engage with it in whatever method I chose to, and also always gave me one more goal to complete once I had finished the previous one.  It was this title that I could just log in and play any given night without needing to bring into it a predetermined purpose because there were so many layered purposes available that I could easily latch onto one of them and proceed happily for an evening.

I had a small group of friends playing it, that allowed me to do bigger activities if I so choose like the various raids I completed with Axioma and later Tequila Mockingbird.  That said most of my time playing the game was just me roaming around and doing stuff that suited whatever mood I happened to be in.  There was always one more obstacle to overcome and one more piece of loot that I was chasing and never quite obtaining.  It was a perfect storm of hooks for me personally and kept me entertained right up until the point when my head was filled with daydreams of Destiny 2 and what might be.  I realize I can still log in at any point I want and play the game again…  but it almost feels tarnished due to the greatly diminished community surrounding it.

Monster Hunter and Destiny

Destiny 2 for reasons I cannot fully explain does not contain the same hooks for me that the original did.  I tried very hard to stay focused on it, and for some time I have blamed my eventual malaise towards the game on the fact that I tried to play it twice.  What I mean by that is that I played the game hard and heavy when it released on Playstation 4 and then immediately turned around and went through the same manic leveling process on the PC one month later.  Effectively I ran up six characters to high gear levels back to back, and I had managed to hit 305 the then cap on PS4 before swapping over to PC and grinding up to that point again.  That is a lot to ask of any game to sustain interested during that sort of nonsense and I largely explained my fading away from the title as simple burnout.

The problem is there was so much more that I have yet to completely unpack.  The moment to moment game play in Destiny 2 feels amazing…  but there is a problem with its feedback loop.  What was missing was my drive to keep doing more of it once I had obtained whatever shiny baubles I wanted to obtain weapon wise.  What was missing was some larger overarching pull that kept me going off and doing individual tasks that ultimately felt like they were adding up to some big payoff.  In part the problem is a lot of those items that I used to grind for…  now exist as Eververse cash shop exclusives.  The other problem is that when they have put in longer grinds like the weapons of osiris…  they feel extremely hollow because they are so horribly repetitive and involve you doing the same limited number of activities over and over.  I realize they are still trying to fix this broken loop and some of the upcoming changes might help it…  but I feel like their over reliance on timed mechanics is going to be a bridge I just cannot cross given now much anxiety they inflict.

Monster Hunter and Destiny

On the flip side you have the game Monster Hunter World that I honestly did not expect to get into, given my lousy track record with the handheld versions.  However I am engaging with it much the way as I engaged with Destiny during the Taken King era.  I find myself looking up lore for the monsters if they have existed in the series before, and if not speculations about their origins and such that are floating around on Reddit.  I find myself researching bits and parts for armor and what interesting builds surround them that exploit their specific attributes.  I find myself able to log into the game any given night and just find something to do because I have this massive laundry list of things I want to go acquire.  I can always use more elder dragon parts….  but similarly can use the gemstones that are rare drops off of almost any creature you can hunt.  I became completely ecstatic last night when I got a double gem drop off Zorah Magdaros…  that I cannot fully explain why I was bothering to do in the first place.

This is the feedback loop that used to drive me while playing Destiny 1 and it is the feedback loop that keeps me doing nonsense.  I have an addiction to SOS Roulette which isn’t even really a thing…  just something I made up in my head to relate it to the various roulette’s in Final Fantasy XIV.  I like dropping into the middle of an assortment of random events happening that people need help on and trying to push the scenario to a win condition by my interaction with it.  Sure there are times we fail miserably like Monday night…  but then there are nights like Last night where we somehow managed to win every single boss fight I attempted including Val Hazaak and Nergigante.  There will likely NEVER be a time when I cannot use at least one or two things off the elder dragons.

Monster Hunter and Destiny

What makes Monster Hunter World so sticky is that eat time I get the parts to craft a new piece of gear, it ends up opening a whole bunch of possibilities to solve other problems…  and often times leads me down a path of wanting something else to try some new build out.  The way the gear sets interact in interesting ways means I am constantly searching for another piece of gear to complete a specific stat packages that I have decided in my head that I need.  This was the same sort of nonsense that happened for me in Destiny 1 where I was constantly seeking out a slightly better stat package that interacted more perfect with the gear I had.  I had a vault full of items that I didn’t want to shard because they were useful under certain circumstances and led me to want to keep them.  I am having this same problem in Monster Hunter World where I am afraid I will legitimately hit the 1000 item hard  cap on equipment.

Effectively what I have realized is that Monster Hunter World is my new Destiny, and hopefully I have explained a bit this morning what that actually means.  It is that game that I can pick up and play without any real reason… and find a constant stream of activities that I want to be doing…  that also feel like they are working towards some larger objective.  Capcom is doing an excellent job of keeping a constantly flow of events and activities happening almost every week to keep us engaged and wanting to do new an interesting things.  Kulve Taroth is phenomenal and might go down as some of my favorite content in any game…  but the fact that they sprung it on us completely unannounced makes it all the more exciting.  While I have had friends who have bounced off of this game… I still maintain an active enough community to be able to do things together if need be.  The only problem is that right now I seem to be a couple of hours off what would be prime monster hunting time…  given that I tend to wind down around 9:30 my time and that is when folks are getting online.

Ultimately while this might seem counter-intuitive…  if you loved the original Destiny but largely have bounced off Destiny 2…  you might give Monster Hunter World a try.

SOS Failures

SOS Failures

The thing about SOS Roulette is that sometimes you win big…  other times you fail miserably.  Last night was more in the fail miserably column as I decided to attempt to farm some of the gems I need to create the full Kulve Taroth set of gear.  That means I will need a Kulve Taroth Gem, a Val Hazaak Gem, a Xeno’jiiva Gem and a Nergigante Gem.  As a result I spent most of the night joining in on Nergi and Hazaak fights without much luck.  The truth is these are not the best things to queue into because the elder dragons represent a steep climb in difficulty.  More often than not last night we carted out of the fight with someone taking a faint and finishing things out without getting any measurable loot.

The night did however make me realize how desperately I need one more Miasma gem so I can become immune to Effluvial build up and just wreck that fight without much issue.  The truth is Hazaak is way easier than I remembered him being, which seems to be a common theme I am feeling as I go back and redo these fights.  The truth is I have mostly been in a mindset of fighting tempered or similar things over the last few weeks and as a result all of those high rank “tough” fights feel a lot easier as a result.  The truth is I should just be doing these solo where I can predict what is going to happen better….  but that just always feels so lonely.  I admit most of the time I do the SOS Roulette thing just because it feels like I am doing things with people…  without the need for actual human interaction.  I realize I am not normal.

SOS Failures

I did manage to get in a really good run of Kulve Taroth where I walked away with two decent items that represent weapons I had not really gotten before.  First up is the Taroth “Blitz” Erupter which appears to be pattered off of the Deviljho Light Bowgun…  and I have no clue at all if it is even a reasonable weapon but it does give me at least a Rank 7 one to play with.  Next up you have the above image of the Taroth Buster “Water” which lets me start playing around with Gunlance, another weapon I have not so much as even equipped.  I think more than anything that is what this event represents for me…  a way to get a bunch of decent versions of weapons to start playing with and testing out.  Sure I could have crafted likely better versions of all of these things…  but I feel like I sorta need to know what types of weapons I like before I sink a lot of resources into them.

I think tonight I might start getting used to soloing things again, either that or see what Ashgar is up to because I know he needs Nergi parts as well.  I need to get serious about trying to farm that last Kulve gem because when the event is over my opportunity closes there.  Shiana has somehow managed to get four of the gems already so has enough to craft both the alpha and beta sets.  For me… I am mostly just focused on crafting a single set and unfortunately I only have one gold ticket waiting in the wings to fill out whatever gem I have the hardest time getting.  I think I blew my luck the other night when I managed to carve a Wyvern Gem and then get two more from the end of mission loot window….  for a total of three that night.

 

Mixed Gaming Weekend

Everquest is a game known in part for it’s interesting factions and your ability to not only completely wreck them…  but in some cases improve ones that started out bad in the first place.  My High Elf Ranger for example was friendly with Paineel, and my friend had an Iksar Monk that was completely at home in Rivervale thanks to hours and hours of clearing Runnyeye.  The factions have interesting names too like “HighHold Citizens” or the “Deepwater Knights” and are fairly granular in that you might be perfectly fine in most of a zone but one specific area will attack you on sight because you wrecked your faction.  I had a weird dream last night that there was a law firm that acted as a mediator to help you repair your damaged factions.  I don’t remember exactly I was there or what faction it was that I had offended, but I remember being across a giant board room from some NPCs that just kept chanting “You’ve ruined your own lands, you’ll not ruin mine!”.  I eventually was able to appease them slightly with an assortment of bear pelts, slashed deathfist belts and bone chips…  which only makes sense in Everquest.

Mixed Gaming Weekend

The primary thing that I played this weekend was our April AggroChat game of the month…  Night in the Woods.  I don’t want to talk too much about this other than it being really good and I highly suggest playing it yourself.  That said the suggestion is with a tiny bit of reservation because I found it a deeply emotional experience.  There are things in the game that pattern my own choices in life and others that were the road not taken.  I am mostly saving the ammunition for the podcast next week, but I have some feels about this game and its characters and small town life in general.

Mixed Gaming Weekend

I also played a bit of Defiance 2050 this weekend… and I have to say I am deeply confused by this title.  Maybe I completely misunderstood what this game was supposed to be.  I had gotten the impression that it would be a game where a bunch of time had passed since the original game and that the world had drastically changed.  So as a result I was deeply confused when I followed a sequence of events in Mount Tam that if I am not completely mistaken are pretty much exactly what happens in the base game.  So I am not exactly sure what is up with this one, because it seems like the same game with no changes that I could see?  I did not play for terribly long but was extremely confused the entire time because I kept expecting something new.  Yes I realized that I just used confused three times in rapid succession…  but I am trying to drive that emotion home here.

Mixed Gaming Weekend

The other bits of my weekend that I did not specifically call out here were spent in Monster Hunter World working on the weekly objectives…  namely hunting Black Diablos and doing 9 Star missions.  Here you can see me hanging out with T’Challa who I did not realize was into Monster Hunter World…  after taking down Xeno’jiiva.  Things I learned this weekend…  my fear of Diablos is largely unwarranted because waiting this late into the game to really start farming it…  means it is way easier than my memory would tell me.  The last time I had fought a Diablos was the one needed to clear the main story step.  I have avoided these like the plague because that fight…  was pure hell at the time.  Now I seem to be able to take them down pretty easily and I did four of the weekly event quest involving taking down both a normal Diablos and a Black Diablos.  As far as the 9 Star quests… I SOS Rouletted them which involved two Xeno’jiiva fights, a double tempered bazel fight, and a tempered rathalos/hard tobi fight.

Mixed Gaming Weekend

I did also spend a few attempts on Kulve Taroth and figured out that you can filter your session by folks doing the encounter.  I’ve been kicked a few times… the first because I am guessing they wanted a fixed party comp and I snagged the last slot they were saving for someone else.  The group disbanded and was locked when it was reposted.  The other time I am guessing that it was for simply being a longsword player because that seems to be the weapon type that everyone bags on as this games “Dragoon”.  I mean it isn’t wrong… I take a lot of damage and do plenty of stupid things but more often than not I also break big parts off things with spirit helm breaker.  Other than that I wound up getting into a few really good and chill groups and got more weapons…  sadly no more oranges but I did get a couple of decent purples.  I have this interesting collection of death shots and in this one I think I died to a magma splash, either that or someone else fainted and this was my final action shot.    I have a few really good ones from my many attempts at Nergigante as well because the scene at the end of the encounter always seems really interesting to me… so more often than not I take a quick snap.  All in all it was a pretty good weekend and I am really looking forward to next weeks AggroChat so I can get all of these thoughts related to Night in the Woods out of my head.