There is a prompt over on twitter that I responded to both as a joke and semi-seriously, and I have to say it makes me feel extremely old. If you look through the thread you see a lot of individuals with massive changes that they have gone through during the previous decade. Me… I have more or less been in maintenance mode. For me all of those big changes in my life happened last decade during the years of 2000 and 2010, but even then… you probably need to bump down to at least 1994 to start the clock of major changes given that’s when I graduated from High School and started a series of rapid events.
It is also making me realize that I have lived a really freaking charmed life. I more or less didn’t severely fuck up my life at any point and have to rebuild from scratch. I went to High School, went to a weird sequence of schools that eventually added up to being a 4 year College degree, and then upon exiting nailed a job as a developer right out of the gate. I didn’t spend time languishing in the service industry or working a sequence of dead end jobs waiting for my break. I just exited out one door and entered another. I’ve never really left the path that was the most obvious one laid out in front of me.
It does at least on some level make me wonder if I failed to grasp the point of life. Did I just take the easiest sequence of options and not really try at all? There is a version of me that probably has no clue how I got to this point in my life. That version wanted to go into video game development, which I pretty early decided was an unrealistic goal. I always sorta figured it was the equivalent of a kid who likes Football wanting to play for a professional team. I was nowhere good enough to make the cut so I sort of self censored myself and went for the more realistic options where were web development and eventually the comfortable life of a corporate developer.
The problem with comfort is that it can be a prison cell. I’ve reached a point in my life where it would be very difficult to make a serious change because it would ultimately come with some pretty dire financial ramifications. I flirted with writing piecemeal articles for pay and quickly realized that you have to work a hell of a lot harder doing that to cobble together something resembling a living. Yeah I could make it work probably, but as it stands my salary is what subsidizes my wife’s “teaching habit” so that isn’t really an option. Same goes with making a leap into some sort of game development, because I would ultimately be starting back over at square one.
I am jealous of the folks who have had the strength to burn down one life in order to build a new one that better suits them. I don’t think I have that in me, and the truth is I am actually happy in the life that I did build by following whatever path was laid out before me. Sure there are frustrations and when those mount it makes me wonder what life might have been had I made a few tweaks here or there to the plan. I think this questioning if I made the right choices however is what helps to fuel my sense of impostor syndrome. I feel like I just sort of accidentally ended up in the position that I am in and that I didn’t necessarily “earn” anything that I have.
I realize this is a weird downer of a blog piece, but I sat down and it just sort started pouring out of my fingertips. The truth is I have been having this conversation with you in one form or another for the last decade given that this blog was started in 2009. I’ve also been active on Twitter and built a sort of extended family there for the entirety of this decade as well. I’ve played so many games and through them gathered up a bunch of people that have followed me in the various bits of nonsense I have managed to get up to… and they have became another family as well. Then there is the AggroChat crew which really is closer than most of my family. I hate the term “blessed” because it seems so damned trite at this point… but I am not even sure what other word I could use to represent the same concept.
I am exceptionally lucky to be here sharing everything with you, and when I feel down and like nuking everything I have built from orbit… it is that realization that slowly moves me back from the ledge. Thanks for being with me for the last decade, and thanks for caring enough to talk me through the issues that I occasionally have. I’m not super close with my natural family, but over the last several decades I have managed to build a brand new one and I think that is probably my big accomplishment for these past ten years. I love you fine assortment of folks. Now I am going to stop writing before I somehow ruin the moment.
Not shocking to anyone, I spent a good chunk of my evening messing around on Disney Plus, the latest streaming service vying for some of our monthly budget. The reason of course is due to a single show, at least for now. The Mandalorian was in fact enough to get me to subscribe just to watch the first episode, that and a deal that they were running a few months back where you could get a year of the service for somewhere in the ballpark of $60. That was enough to get me to jump on board ahead of time, and I am happy to report that I am not ashamed of this action thanks to having watched the first episode.
I am purposefully swiping screenshots from the trailers that were released because firstly it is easier to do and secondly I don’t want to give anything away. The show so far is very much like a Clint Eastwood style western set in the Star Wars Universe. I am curious to find out some of the back story as this show is set between the fall of the empire and the rise of the new order. It was always my understanding that much like the Empire hunted down the Jedi… they also more or less decimated what was left of the Mandalorian clans. So I find it really interesting to see what appears to be the remnants of the clan alive and well. That said a lot of the lore surrounding the Mandalorians is apocryphal thanks to the whole tossing out of the Star Wars Expanded Universe.
I greatly enjoyed this first episode… and am now looking forward to Friday when the next one drops. I wish I could have binged through the entire thing in a single evening, but this is probably much smarter for Disney as a whole given that they can string us along with the Mandalorian while waiting on the various Marvel shows to drop. I personally wound up spending my evening watching Star Wars Resistance after finishing the episode because it was a show that I had never actually watched any of. There is enough meat on the bones of Disney Plus to entertain me for awhile, because even if I watch through the back catalog of all things Star Wars… there are a bunch of Disney things like Phineas and Ferb that I have only watched a handful of episodes of. There is also the entirety of Gravity Falls on the service, another show i have caught the occasional episode but would love to start from the beginning.
In other news I finished up the Lumina weapon quest chain in Destiny 2 and it ends fairly abruptly with you just getting the Hand Cannon at the end of completing the final objective. I am annoyed as hell that it dropped at 948 instead of 950, but that seems to be the case when you finish a quest chain. Weirdly I had been putting off on this quest until the other night I was randoming my way into strikes and happened to kill Xol and notice that I got credit marked off the quest. I had originally read that you had to complete the quest in a single go, but it seems like that only pertains to each objective. I queued specifically for Will of the Thousands, killed 11 crystals and got the weapon dropped in my inventory mid strike.
Now I just need to wrangle some time to play when other people I know are on and go run the strike required for the completion of Thorn. I’ve not been willing to risk it since I seem to die an awful lot to the final boss of Savathun’s Song, it would be nice to at least have another person so that we don’t instantly fail when one of us dies.
Not shocking to anyone, I spent a good chunk of my evening messing around on Disney Plus, the latest streaming service vying for some of our monthly budget. The reason of course is due to a single show, at least for now. The Mandalorian was in fact enough to get me to subscribe just to watch the first episode, that and a deal that they were running a few months back where you could get a year of the service for somewhere in the ballpark of $60. That was enough to get me to jump on board ahead of time, and I am happy to report that I am not ashamed of this action thanks to having watched the first episode.
I am purposefully swiping screenshots from the trailers that were released because firstly it is easier to do and secondly I don’t want to give anything away. The show so far is very much like a Clint Eastwood style western set in the Star Wars Universe. I am curious to find out some of the back story as this show is set between the fall of the empire and the rise of the new order. It was always my understanding that much like the Empire hunted down the Jedi… they also more or less decimated what was left of the Mandalorian clans. So I find it really interesting to see what appears to be the remnants of the clan alive and well. That said a lot of the lore surrounding the Mandalorians is apocryphal thanks to the whole tossing out of the Star Wars Expanded Universe.
I greatly enjoyed this first episode… and am now looking forward to Friday when the next one drops. I wish I could have binged through the entire thing in a single evening, but this is probably much smarter for Disney as a whole given that they can string us along with the Mandalorian while waiting on the various Marvel shows to drop. I personally wound up spending my evening watching Star Wars Resistance after finishing the episode because it was a show that I had never actually watched any of. There is enough meat on the bones of Disney Plus to entertain me for awhile, because even if I watch through the back catalog of all things Star Wars… there are a bunch of Disney things like Phineas and Ferb that I have only watched a handful of episodes of. There is also the entirety of Gravity Falls on the service, another show i have caught the occasional episode but would love to start from the beginning.
In other news I finished up the Lumina weapon quest chain in Destiny 2 and it ends fairly abruptly with you just getting the Hand Cannon at the end of completing the final objective. I am annoyed as hell that it dropped at 948 instead of 950, but that seems to be the case when you finish a quest chain. Weirdly I had been putting off on this quest until the other night I was randoming my way into strikes and happened to kill Xol and notice that I got credit marked off the quest. I had originally read that you had to complete the quest in a single go, but it seems like that only pertains to each objective. I queued specifically for Will of the Thousands, killed 11 crystals and got the weapon dropped in my inventory mid strike.
Now I just need to wrangle some time to play when other people I know are on and go run the strike required for the completion of Thorn. I’ve not been willing to risk it since I seem to die an awful lot to the final boss of Savathun’s Song, it would be nice to at least have another person so that we don’t instantly fail when one of us dies.
Not shocking to anyone, I spent a good chunk of my evening messing around on Disney Plus, the latest streaming service vying for some of our monthly budget. The reason of course is due to a single show, at least for now. The Mandalorian was in fact enough to get me to subscribe just to watch the first episode, that and a deal that they were running a few months back where you could get a year of the service for somewhere in the ballpark of $60. That was enough to get me to jump on board ahead of time, and I am happy to report that I am not ashamed of this action thanks to having watched the first episode.
I am purposefully swiping screenshots from the trailers that were released because firstly it is easier to do and secondly I don’t want to give anything away. The show so far is very much like a Clint Eastwood style western set in the Star Wars Universe. I am curious to find out some of the back story as this show is set between the fall of the empire and the rise of the new order. It was always my understanding that much like the Empire hunted down the Jedi… they also more or less decimated what was left of the Mandalorian clans. So I find it really interesting to see what appears to be the remnants of the clan alive and well. That said a lot of the lore surrounding the Mandalorians is apocryphal thanks to the whole tossing out of the Star Wars Expanded Universe.
I greatly enjoyed this first episode… and am now looking forward to Friday when the next one drops. I wish I could have binged through the entire thing in a single evening, but this is probably much smarter for Disney as a whole given that they can string us along with the Mandalorian while waiting on the various Marvel shows to drop. I personally wound up spending my evening watching Star Wars Resistance after finishing the episode because it was a show that I had never actually watched any of. There is enough meat on the bones of Disney Plus to entertain me for awhile, because even if I watch through the back catalog of all things Star Wars… there are a bunch of Disney things like Phineas and Ferb that I have only watched a handful of episodes of. There is also the entirety of Gravity Falls on the service, another show i have caught the occasional episode but would love to start from the beginning.
In other news I finished up the Lumina weapon quest chain in Destiny 2 and it ends fairly abruptly with you just getting the Hand Cannon at the end of completing the final objective. I am annoyed as hell that it dropped at 948 instead of 950, but that seems to be the case when you finish a quest chain. Weirdly I had been putting off on this quest until the other night I was randoming my way into strikes and happened to kill Xol and notice that I got credit marked off the quest. I had originally read that you had to complete the quest in a single go, but it seems like that only pertains to each objective. I queued specifically for Will of the Thousands, killed 11 crystals and got the weapon dropped in my inventory mid strike.
Now I just need to wrangle some time to play when other people I know are on and go run the strike required for the completion of Thorn. I’ve not been willing to risk it since I seem to die an awful lot to the final boss of Savathun’s Song, it would be nice to at least have another person so that we don’t instantly fail when one of us dies.
